xxx
on some deleted poem
24 Oct 2003, 6:25 AM
Been there. Done that.
My daddy is a Crow. He ate my eye-ball. I could not be wrong, but your are right, I can not dance. 17.4
The image is strong even if the vernacular bugs me a little. Double suffixes (as in "fascistic") drive me crazy and do not read well. "Dark corps" is great in this context. This is on the better side of goth.
I can appreciate a sober thought expressed clearly and simply. Agree with Bill though, the elipse is pointless.
poemranker support : 9
You're a leader richard
Oh my, the locations of instances of 'rain' have similar properties to the locations of actual raindrops. INCREDIBLE!
I feel your pain. And the Coleridge reference is cute.
I agree, the last line is really what makes it.
I like it. I'd clean up the last two lines. Perhaps "clad in dust and web" or something...but not quite that pretentious, 'cuz that's my style.
It's very clear, yet vague enough to keep me meditating upon the metaphor. The senile woman version sounds like it would be a little more story-like, but I'd like to read it none the less.
Yeah, face cancer will do that.
nicely done
Nice idea, you can hear the pensive voice in the last three words
Great images. Wonderful poignancy 23.21
The best and worse I can say of this is that it is excellent. 24.01
Interesting, from an image of poor health all the way to a chessboard. Put DA's prawn on a skewer and bury it in an oaken chest. I like the schlepping morbidity.
Dr. Fuhrmenbresten says, "If you've seen one...you've likely seen 'em both." Not sure the reference to pubic hair fits in the grand scheme of breasts, but, I like the last two lines. 9
It chills the warm cockles of my forgotten admonition to stay out of the water. Good vote though.