Oh I don't disagree with anything in this poem! Just some of the different things done in catholicism. Everything is agreed with in your poem.

Such generic thinking, and to come from such a hard hittin' street poet and budding screenwriter as yourself. It is in these rants that your severe lack of education shows. Alas, the bucklehead arises and speaks the truth of the blue-collar beat. Rise up proletariats. Rise up!!!!

So exactly what demographic are you aiming for with this lyrical mayhem?

Easy there Saint Vaginitus you don't want to pull a glute or mis your turn.

Even a dung beetle wouldn't roll this shit.

Hasty generalizations will only make you look foolish.

The thing with Texas is that no matter where you stand it always smells like shit.

That's exactly how the baby mouse that I fed my tarantula looked this morning

"Chok" another one up to the black ink please ref.

You think it's cold now? Wait until you come in.

a real asskicker 7

good opening.

Napoleon had five secret weapons: imperialism, propaganda, fear, genocide and... acute manipulation of power. But the greatest of these was acute manipulation of power. Acute/10

OMG THIS IS BORING LOL ASL -10-

I like the idea of it, and there is some good language throughout. It could likely benefit from a bit of word diet, though. There's nothing wrong with repetition if its part of a suitable structure that allows for it; the repetition here (with "experiment") doesn't really add value. And how does the title fit in? As an aside, the word 'paradigm' is fairly well used up. Usually when folks use it, they apologize afterwards. Having said those nits, there is a really solid, interesting idea in there and one I think worth working on (imho).

I've come to recognize your stuff as one I should click on and expect goodness. This one has a fresh thought to it, and as a lyric works really quite well, I think. If you want to tweak it more, you could thin it out here and there so that stuff like this: "i just dont want to be old polaroids in a small shoe box as sepia seeps and yellows my face. so tell me, do you see me" which rocks, isn't diluted by less memorable sentiments.

"myriad" - danger, danger; tough word to pull off. This is quite good: "I remember the scent[s] of sin, That lingered on my clothes and skin." I could do without this telegraphing of meaning: "Every late night drink of scotch alone in the dark, To help me forget my cheating heart." or this: "With no-one to hold, The fibres that held together my life, Have been unthreaded." but the image of squeezing a rose, thorns and all, is nice. Other than those nits - something very workable. Maybe as a lyric using that second stanza [tweaked a bit] as a chorus?

For my part, my "depth" consists mostly of walking around thinking I lost my wallet, or my keys. I must have come from a different tribe than you've described here. Always a danger making these types of generalizations, but as a poem, it has some interesting perspectives and some cute rhymes - even if occasionally slightly forced ones. As a suggestion, I think you could save this if you came over the top with it; make it a bit tongue-in-cheek. I know it's been done - maybe you can do it better.

max, reading this, i thought you might enjoy it as well. http://www.blackbird.vcu.edu/v2n2/poetry/dubie_n/contents.htm z

I am a GROUCH! I harass! I harangue! All others are imposters. Oops, my tummy hurts, could you rub it? 23.5564