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fog (Lyric) by FreeFormFixation
i just don't want to be a face forgotten in the fog as time transpires as time drips by. So tell me, do you see this moment trapped in blank space now? an impression in clay pressed to remain. do you see at second glance the same sad sight you saw before? a jumbled mess of words and visions conjuring an apparition. Blending with this cloudless night two voices twist up toward the sky reckoning to moments past; counting stars in childhood. i just dont want to be a piece of sand on an endless beach as tides stretch out, as shorelines change. so tell me, do you see me? Do you feel as though this thought will soon spill over into a dream? Or is this all just fun and games? Of course i'm fine with that, but still i have a tendency to speak and hide the things i mean to say. Somehow i know you know what i mean, picking up on all my subleties. i just dont want to be old polaroids in a small shoe box as sepia seeps and yellows my face. so tell me, do you see me clearly? or am i slowly sinking with entropy's cleaning? carved to remain, i see it never changing. your eyes burned into mine their clarity never changing. counting triangles in the sky constellations never changing. carved into my flesh and brain this memory never scabs over. never. never. i just dont want to see your face erased from my windowpane as frost sets in and the world turns white. so tell me, do you see? do you see me at all? do you see me at all? do you see me at all? do you see me at all? i just dont want to be a face forgotten in the fog as time transpires as time drips by. so tell me, do you see this moment trapped in blank space now? an impression in clay.

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.179294
Overall Rank: 4831
Posted: November 2, 2003 11:20 PM PST; Last modified: November 2, 2003 11:20 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 3-Nov-03/7:40 AM | Reply
I've come to recognize your stuff as one I should click on and expect goodness.

This one has a fresh thought to it, and as a lyric works really quite well, I think.

If you want to tweak it more, you could thin it out here and there so that stuff like this:

"i just dont want to be
old polaroids in a small shoe box
as sepia seeps
and yellows my face.
so tell me, do you see me"

which rocks, isn't diluted by less memorable sentiments.
[10] emeraldeyes @ 65.116.177.202 | 5-Nov-03/1:43 PM | Reply
i'm just lovin this -10-
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