Simplistic but telling. I feel the part about the storks is slightly lacking, not really inforamtive. Perhaps relish whatever metaphor strikes you. Or perhaps keep it this way.

Whats wrong with you? Forgot to eat fish & chicken liver for breakfast? Strike one. Keep swinging the oakclub until you hit home or strikeout.

Not bad.. seven.

Other than comparing her to a snowflake? the poem was pretty good. And it'll be better when you get rid of the snowflake, IMHO. eight.

Then why is there spunk all over the bedclothes?

things, brings, sings, strings, niiiice rhymes bro! ;p oh yeah, one and ton are sweet too!

Death defying.

lol, that was priceless. "what are you?" Dare the blank faced lizard ask?the end though was fucking grooving. "Who is it holds some part of me that I wake up missing?" Gackles. Perhaps tis the need for a new rug in the foyer?

Homosexuallity is a sin, and you will go to Hell.

They say they-"aint skeered". they should be.

see? SEE? I'M HARMLESS COMPARED TO THAT GUY!!!! I ONLY HAUL CARS!!! ONLY 10 AT A TIME TOO!! THEY'RE NOT NEAR AS BAD AS THAT SCENARIO IS! YEAH!! harmless, I say.

Definitely a wee bit-o-passion in this one.

and all this time I thought you were only a perverted school marm.10 for the boating thing.

onewordwonderwoman.

beautiful imagery…every word is in it’s place, every verse has a meaning…good job TheWhiteLion

That was a fine impression of a six headed wombat, but I was looking for an lemon lemur in pine scent?

You've broken your own record for concentrated self-indulgent guff. "Dirt road of loathing" sounds like the title of a Tool song. As does every single other line. Furthermore: 1. Vinegar isn't bitter. 2. "Fangs kiss bloody flesh" could only be made worse by hiring a tramp to hump the reader's leg while they read it. 3. The reason nobody says "fervid" outside of adolescent poetry and the 18th century is because it's a ridiculous word with no merit. 4. The whole thing is totally incoherent. It's just one random, self-congratulatory image after another. There's nothing to interest a reader. 5. Nobody except furries and hobos "growl in 'victory'. 6. Anybody who claims to be "groovin to the blue-collar blues" isn't. 7. You're a grotesquely ugly freak. Thanks. 10!!!!!!!

enthropy = entropy, right? and theres other things that need fixing all over the place. Its a damn good first draft- a little editing and you'll be on Groove St. smokin on victory. Blessed with eight.

Intelligent. No con crit. Sorry.

Painfulyl evocative. Plus it sounds like it's published.