very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!

wow, Dovina; must be yr most powerful poem yet ... tho must admit I've skipped over quite a few;... just a thought... the end i found flat because the symmetry so obviously demanded it; ... I'da skewed it a bit, ... like win, who needs it..or .loss is lost or something; ... but then then....you know;.it's yr poem :-),I'm more of an imperfectionist

hi;...yeah; felt exactly the same as jessicazee about the last 3 lines; . the lead up was good enough to deserve much more ... the first 3 lines could in fact stand alone... nice changes of rhythm......7 and a half points

i would add a "is" to line 3 after "Abhorrent". perhaps in line 5 "slathered" - or better yet "lathered" - could replace "swathed". i do enjoy the wry, overly-barbed sarcasm contained in this piece. it utterly seethes with disdain, contempt so venomous that it might burn the page upon which it is written. the irony i see here is that enough wanking supposedly makes one go blind, but one who masturbates in this manner is blind already, no? marks for expressing your feelings in such a clear and forceful manner while maintaining a smirk. you may want to keep working on this to make it even better.

Good write. I like the rhymes although when you alter the pattern it is maybe a little distracting.

Ooh, -=MUSLIM=- will be having a word with the master of the naughty room about this...

I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.

I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)

Isn't that standard practice for any religious doctrine?

Was this a suicidal ghost?

The repeated lines: I sit alone in my apartment Looking, hoping, praying inside someone's American dream could be a wrap-up verse or something.

Sounds like a rap with double and triple negatives to which I'm not hip. Has a nice sound to it though.

This is a great poem! 10 out of 10!

A eork of genius. A steamer indeed. I shall have to give this 0/10 because it deserves to be read more.

Totally fabbo wabbo!

A bit technical. Basically I haven't the first fucking idea what you are talking about. Cubs? Sputtered? 1-40? Talk about provincial.......................

I just re-read this. It is still the funniest thing sinc that jew Christ got nailed up. I'll try to rate it 10 again but what the fuck.

Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.

Not very good, but I have read worse.

I always thought it was the Yanks who liked raping whilst praising their Jew Constitution.