regarding some deleted poem...	lmp 141.154.134.3	22-Jun-07/7:56 AM
i would add a "is" to line 3 after "Abhorrent". perhaps in line 5 "slathered" - or better yet "lathered" - could replace "swathed". i do enjoy the wry, overly-barbed sarcasm contained in this piece. it utterly seethes with disdain, contempt so venomous that it might burn the page upon which it is written. the irony i see here is that enough wanking supposedly makes one go blind, but one who masturbates in this manner is blind already, no? marks for expressing your feelings in such a clear and forceful manner while maintaining a smirk. you may want to keep working on this to make it even better.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Ranger 217.41.217.24	22-Jun-07/1:14 PM
Good write. I like the rhymes although when you alter the pattern it is maybe a little distracting.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 217.41.217.24	22-Jun-07/1:15 PM
Ooh, -=MUSLIM=- will be having a word with the master of the naughty room about this...
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Dovina 71.158.210.68	22-Jun-07/5:25 PM
I like the contrasts expressed in the first two verses. Then the pattern changes in S3, driving on with the main point. But I like this too. It's the kind of poem I relate to personally, having had a few thoughts that hit with this kind of power. Very good.
Re: essence of a thought by lmp	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:31 PM
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:33 PM
Isn't that standard practice for any religious doctrine?
Re: Tirade of a Venetian Ghost by MacFrantic	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:41 PM
Was this a suicidal ghost?
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	Skamper 202.6.130.130	22-Jun-07/11:44 PM
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
Re: Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina	pete 62.56.116.192	22-Jun-07/11:46 PM
wow, Dovina; must be yr most powerful poem yet ... tho must admit I've skipped over quite a few;... just a thought... the end i found flat because the symmetry so obviously demanded it; ... I'da skewed it a bit, ... like win, who needs it..or .loss is lost or something; ... but then then....you know;.it's yr poem :-),I'm more of an imperfectionist
Re: Just Another Reason by Skamper	pete 62.56.116.192	22-Jun-07/11:54 PM
hi;...yeah; felt exactly the same as jessicazee about the last 3 lines; . the lead up was good enough to deserve much more ... the first 3 lines could in fact stand alone... nice changes of rhythm......7 and a half points
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	Dovina 71.158.212.23	23-Jun-07/4:13 AM
The repeated lines: I sit alone in my apartment Looking, hoping, praying inside someone's American dream could be a wrap-up verse or something.
Re: You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	Skamper 202.6.129.125	23-Jun-07/10:02 AM
Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.
Re: You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper	Dovina 208.190.252.149	23-Jun-07/4:03 PM
Sounds like a rap with double and triple negatives to which I'm not hip. Has a nice sound to it though.
Re: The Young Girl From Khartoum by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:21 PM
This is a great poem! 10 out of 10!
Re: turd cutter by Count Flatula	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:22 PM
A eork of genius. A steamer indeed. I shall have to give this 0/10 because it deserves to be read more.
Re: Flea poem by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:25 PM
Totally fabbo wabbo!
Re: Bitter by Ranger	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:27 PM
Not very good, but I have read worse.
Re: American Idle by wilco	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:29 PM
A bit technical. Basically I haven't the first fucking idea what you are talking about. Cubs? Sputtered? 1-40? Talk about provincial.......................
Re: Grafton Street Late Joys by Engelbert Humpalot	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:31 PM
I just re-read this. It is still the funniest thing sinc that jew Christ got nailed up. I'll try to rate it 10 again but what the fuck.
regarding some deleted poem...	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.207.35	23-Jun-07/4:33 PM
I always thought it was the Yanks who liked raping whilst praising their Jew Constitution.