regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.132.146	21-Jun-07/6:37 AM
Did you write this in crayon?
Re: Contemplation by Something_Else	Skamper 202.6.132.146	21-Jun-07/6:40 AM
I get easily distracted and the capitol letters starting each line is distracting. Apart from that an inner dialogue fitting of the mad...maybe?
Re: Just Another Reason by Skamper	Christof 62.121.23.56	21-Jun-07/6:48 AM
Do you have kids? This does sound like the conversation a parent has with himself whenever the darling child misbehaves. A typo in 'offspring' but otherwise I like this, it's a good bit of polemic.
Re: grim task by lmp	Christof 62.121.23.56	21-Jun-07/7:35 AM
The villanelle is tough little nut to crack and i think this pretty damn good. I don't really like 'ev'ry' - I think the metre would make the syllabic count of the word clear, and it would be nice not to have that archaism. But it's only a small thing and it's made up for by 'wet silty clay' - you've obviously been digging in my garden. Not wanting to get pulled into the British pomposity argument above but - really, the Brits don't have the monopoly on pomposity. Our most pompous novelists are laugh riots next to Dom de Lillo or Sinclair Lewis and as for linguistic rigidity - have you seen the New Yorker? It's like Edith Wharton never died.
Re: husk [hai-crete] by lmp	drnick 24.247.158.152	21-Jun-07/1:54 PM
I usually hate this type of poem, but you did an excellent job!
Re: Better Things by EAger to Offend	drnick 24.247.158.152	21-Jun-07/1:58 PM
Wouldn't this be considered a prose? Either way, pretty good stuff.
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Jun-07/2:49 PM
hopefully, this is not a true account. the sense of self-loathing and despair comes across very strongly. well done.
Re: You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Jun-07/2:54 PM
grown up version of a pimple? seriously though, this is better written than that. think it's time for this person to start leaving excessively long messages with a lot of long silent pauses, heavy sighs, and cheery "talk to you later!"s at the end. oh, and if the message gets cut off for length, call back and continue. fill up her box [one way or another].
Re: Just Another Reason by Skamper	lmp 141.154.134.3	21-Jun-07/3:19 PM
interesting. i think i know what you are driving at, how some parents will overbearingly protect their children from their environment and not just in a healthy way. the weary look and pouting face suggest that there is a bit of resentment from the parent about being a parent. then, the audacious grasp at comisery with you; they made their choice(s), right?
Re: In the circle of agonies… by Prince of Void	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/3:54 PM
Get rid of all the punctuation - use the ends of lines as the break points and throw way those capitol letters. Agony is a fairly powerful word, but using it too often in the one write (even though it is about agony) robs it of the impact. This has almost the reclusive feel one who lives in pain constantly.
Re: Dismissing Contentment by Something_Else	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/3:57 PM
This is one of those writes that makes me sigh - so under-dramatic. Nicely done. Just one thing find another word for intimidates - a variation of it used already in the first stanza, it's too big a word for double use.
Re: Better Things by EAger to Offend	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/4:00 PM
Not bad at all.
Re: Within myself waiting for a call by jessicazee	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/4:04 PM
Are you sitting cross-legged? For the first few words are very vague as to their meaning - we all have ankles, what is it yours are doing?
Re: Foie Gras by Christof	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/4:14 PM
All capitol letters should be demoted immediately, and only given the right to become bigger when requested. Don't be so lazy as to let Word write your lines for you! This is the third or fourth poem I've come across today with idleness stamped all over it. Switch to notepad, take back control...OK that said this is fabulous, loving it. A little jumpy but still full marks for writing with substance.
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	Skamper 202.6.129.150	21-Jun-07/4:28 PM
very vivid - I'm betting this is a truthful account. You have twisted some interesting lines. Nice work.
Re: Alcohol by tisa7	drnick 24.247.158.152	21-Jun-07/10:40 PM
Awesome, I'll print this out and bring it with me to the bathroom in the morning. You know the cure for a hangover is smoking weed.
Re: Just Another Reason by Skamper	jessicazee 24.160.240.223	22-Jun-07/12:05 AM
Just write the word "until" instaead of "'til" for greater effect..., also, not a big deal but offspring in line 12 needs a "f"... I feel like the last 3 lines deserve more? Maybe incorporate them into your very strong intro? 8
regarding some deleted poem...	Christof 217.44.106.36	22-Jun-07/1:18 AM
OK Rockmage, this is interesting. I also hate poets who basically masturbating onto the page. I agree with you that it's all wrong. But, I think it's a very hard charge to level. because, to some extent, isn't all creativity, other than producing children, a form of masturbation? The charge you make could be levelled at all writers, good and bad, as Seamus heaney says in the quote left by Dental Panic. If that is your sole criterion for criticising poetry, there's really no way forward. And how do you decide on the poems worthy of a ten? I think you're down a critical blind alley.
Re: Fourty Caliber Thirty Pack by drnick	Ranger 86.145.28.29	22-Jun-07/2:17 AM
A lot of good lines - 'love is most commonly found written on a paper', 'piss out the rust' and others. Not sure about 'corporate feeding tubes', it might work better if it were a little more detached from the social ills. Or that might just be my reading. Good poeme. Btw, I never got that email, I think the microsoft network might not be all it's cracked up to be :-(
Re: Foie Gras by Christof	lmp 141.154.134.3	22-Jun-07/7:38 AM
lots of good stuff here: "warm scorn". "lumpen from fear", "filleted men". is it a British saying to call a telephone handset a funnel or is that an expression of the poem. if the latter, another good one. what i get from this is a lonely businessman, pining for his youth with drive-in theatres, sports victories, and of course, shagging. all the trappings of success without any real substance. didnt quite get the torture of geese unless it is a reference to hearing a novice playing bagpipes.