poemranker ::Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 152687

Win, Win, Lose, Lose

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 22 Jun 2007 · 11 comments

A bioengineered nation, top-heavy with old, longevity treatments sold, replenishes its labor force with cheap service, jobs for young poor. Win-win Immigrants come and remain stubbornly foreign, unspeakably Spanish, unchangeably Muslim, un-American. Win-lose Neglecting to die, the old work on, suppressing the young, insulting the immigrants, demanding cheap service, unnaturally alive. Lose-lose

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11 comments

[10] Skamper 22-Jun-07/11:44 PM Reply
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
[n/a] Dovina › Skamper 23-Jun-07/4:16 AM Reply
Thanks, but I didn’t mean to be arrogant.
[8] pete 22-Jun-07/11:46 PM Reply
wow, Dovina; must be yr most powerful poem yet ... tho must admit I've skipped over quite a few;... just a thought... the end i found flat because the symmetry so obviously demanded it; ... I'da skewed it a bit, ... like win, who needs it..or .loss is lost or something; ... but then then....you know;.it's yr poem :-),I'm more of an imperfectionist
[n/a] Dovina › pete 23-Jun-07/4:16 AM Reply
Yeah, the ending is a bit too neat; I’m an imperfectionist too. Will think on it. Thanks.
[8] lmp 26-Jun-07/2:21 PM Reply
i do like the message, some of the similies are quite nice:
"top heavy with old", "stubbornly foreign".

the last stanza starts to lose some of the momentum, (maybe that's the point?), so the ending does fall a little flat.

however, i like the topic and the first stanza a lot, the second stanza is pretty good. a few tweaks and i think you'll have it.
[n/a] Dovina › lmp 29-Jun-07/1:24 PM Reply
The tweaks are pressed into places like poemranker by the old who keep them out of the controlling positions in the workplace.

Okay, I'll work on it.
[9] ALChemy 27-Jun-07/9:58 PM Reply
So what else is new? Stanza 2 is the best one, very witty.
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 29-Jun-07/1:23 PM Reply
Oh, it’s new that I’m two-thirds of the way through Kansas with a bouquet of evening primrose guiding my bicycle.
[7] Prince of Void 29-Jun-07/7:42 AM Reply
win,win
we die in this victory
what we lost in this misery
the happiness we lose or win
only lose,lose
we fall in this failure
that we could understand better
some lose ,some win
so what's american dream ?

[n/a] Dovina › Prince of Void 29-Jun-07/1:22 PM Reply
American Dream = to get old, powerful and rich.
[0] T. Jonathron Remp 25-Jul-08/12:07 PM Reply
Lose, Lose, Lose, Fail