A bog-soiled pneumostool

I liked it, sure. Clangs along nicely enough.

Points for hitting a universal emotion.

Grammar: When all she really is “The Queen of Pennies.” Wordy: still it is the home Still, a good story, fairly well told.

Does not follow the title.

Interested in being an architect are we? (angles?) Hehe, and you forgot the s' silly, :-p Oh, guess who....ahahahahaha

'the wind of freedom'? - Presumably a wind that has been let out.

Try this as a short story, it might work better.

Hey Joe-Joe, I'm having trouble finding your name on the New School homepage. Could you post the address? It's Robert Daltry, by the way.

I'll limit my crits to two simple things. One, is basic - try to show, not tell - and really, try not to do both (like you've done here). 2) loose the buts.

First stanza - the age old confusion: do they congregate to the girl or the bar? This makes brain go "huh? OH, okay" The punch line falls flat, imho. dunno [shrug]

Nice concrete. These are unusual enough that I won't fault you for the content - which isn't so horrible as _others_ may lead you to believe... As a concrete - an 8

Not bad vsuede. I think you said "spell" one time too many, and you have a capital "A" where you don't want one. This is one of those that I'm sometimes guilty of too though - it's pretty, has some clever language, but one walks away not quite knowing what it is about. That's fine to an extent, but I don't think you got away with it here (at least with me).

A tastey snippet - but needs more to be more.

and so.... ? again, need more context methinks. Some nice language though.

Hmmmm. A little punctuation would not hurt this - not that I'm not for a little artistic freedom, but in this case - its a distracting omission. I almost like this - pare it down a bit and I think it will be more palatable.

"i won't promise the stars [OR]the moon" - this is a common mistake. Its a nice sentiment.

Needs to stand out from this very crowded "lost love" room.

Not bad H, not bad at all.

yep. sure is.