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Dreams and Galaxies (Free verse) by embersandenvelopes The complications always came
not from your existence but from
harnassing your energy via the tether
At your heart. you pulled me in
using magnetism or gravity or proximity or
maybe you just cast a spell-
as if simple words and gestures could explain it.
If I could reappear, I now might be a galaxy or
and explosion of light at the start of a dream.
This is the trick, minus the subtleties, as
echoes are lost in the pressure of space
like time endears ourselves to memory.
Then maybe I could just cast a spell-
as if simple words weighed enough to reclaim us.
Up the ladder:
Belabourin' Jack
Down the ladder:
F Log-On
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Posted: March 28, 2004 11:02 PM PST; Last modified: March 28, 2004 11:02 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0715218 Overall Rank: 6608 Comments:
[6]
deleted user @ 68.169.177.107
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29-Mar-04/9:41 AM
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Reply
Some good images here, but the meaning is lost in a garble of prose. I prefer dlarity.
Not bad vsuede.
I think you said "spell" one time too many, and you have a capital "A" where you don't want one. This is one of those that I'm sometimes guilty of too though - it's pretty, has some clever language, but one walks away not quite knowing what it is about. That's fine to an extent, but I don't think you got away with it here (at least with me).
In response, to clarify, I capitalized the "A" for a reason. I want it to be read 2 different ways. Well, maybe not quite so different but if you read it again, you may see what I mean. That is also why I left the 'y' lowercase. I do that a lot in my poems, should you come across it again.
The word "spell" was also repititious for a reason. I agree with you that the reader might not be clear on what the poem is about, however my intention is to hopefully guide the reader into coming to their own conclusion in regards to how my words portray one portion of what may be going on in their life. Anyway, thanks for the comments and I hope mine might have cleared some things up for you.
Hey I just wanna say you're right about the "A". I replaced it with an "a" and was immediately forced to give this piece a -0-.
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