On second thought, I think I've seen this before. Or at least parts of it

Il faut te dire que c'est bien traduit ainsi que tes propres poèmes sont bien éctrits.

So are you a student who was formerly a soldier which turned into a college, or formerly a student of soldiers which turn into colleges, or what?

I actually love when a writer can honestly talk about what they know.

while brevity is a necessity on a website where we have no patience to read a poem but can spend hours arguing over petty differences of opinion, i think that this could be the start of something much longer. you take in very broad ideas and touch on several issues deserving several stanzas. i think that you should consider expanding this into something more epic.

i agree with hypatia... too much telling, perhaps not enough showing or representing. cutting it down some could greatly improve it, but a solid start ;-)

i made the mistake of viewing all the comments before voting... my opinion has been marred. after reading it a second (and a third) time, 9

i'm not sure where "electrolytes" fits in beyond flowing via syllables and assonance... that is, the meaning of the word. beyond my nit-pickyness, well put together.

i feel like i already voted on this... did you modify the poem? maybe it was my imagination.

a little too repetitive through S4, and yes, i know that was the point. also, i don't think that "pimple" would be correct for this poem. it would have popped the pimple category. <<break for laughter>> i know, i know, i'm so witty...

careful... a ghazal is a collection of two line poems that are related, but they don't share lines. i guess there really isn't a rule against that... we'll mark up the grey area to poor descriptions of the poem style. slap on the wrist to kaolin

holy crap, so long and boring i had to fast forward to the comment box... cut out about 2/3 of the poem bits, please

an interesting use of the programming variety

I like this but disagree with its premise. Women hold all the cards...always have, always will.

Payback is a bitch, isn't it?

An 8. Simply for being different and amusing.

I had trouble making the connection between the space station and the balance beam, colorful wives, and never ending lives.

Good, but why 'pon, not upon?

Thank you for describing me so well. Please tell me how I am different, and how you know so much about me. Actually, I think this sort of thing is best written in the first person, unless you give the reasons that compell you to so describe another.

I like most of this, but think "jungle" could be desert - more current - the Iraq war. Suggestions only: muscles with a knot -> muscles with knots truth. You -> truth - you The last line irks me because there is no victory in my opinion.