Would you like me to be less generous and more critical more often?

Ditto the commas. I like not knowing who or what the ghosts are, guessing.

Such a need for love we have, and such deep hurt when the opposite we get. I want to hug this boy, whoever he is or was or might be, but he'd likely wonder if I were going to do to something to him like his uncle did. It must be a hard thing to get over.

And use some rhymes that are more varied

Good song.

You know this shit you have posted has a stench more vile than any that comes out of my own or anybody else's rectum.

Good song indeed. Unfortunately a song is not necessarily a poem, though it can be. This straddles the border between song and poem.

My advice, get out of Idaho before you're completely retarded.

You weild a comma like a Mexican.

I hate to be picky but the lack of reason bugs me. Failed marriage? Death? Who would be around to watch? Sorry.

Groovy. 'Rita, please. no salt.

I don't see the bar scene as others do. I tend to be blind to what others see. I didn't see the moon "when the light went away." I was too busy fighting, protecting my self Putting off loving til "the end of a storm." Crap, I say, to the poemranker storm. Wish we all could just talk about poems. Like this one, which I like quite a lot.

If this helps you to cope, good. I fail to see any other use for it. I suppose the same could be said for most of mine.

Greets (been hard to get on-line this weekend)! This has a jaunty little beat, doesn't it. I'd be inclined to change a couple minor things here and there, but overall it's got a solid feel. Exlamations points might be overdone, and I'd just make that last line go right after the "she", and lastly the capital "And" is pretty jarring.

Time is an illusion /echo An unusual thing from you, this. Feels pimply, I want to pick it to shreds.

Good poem if a little long. Raises an interesting topic. Prolly you could trim a fourth, anyway. Sorry I can't be more helpful with something more specific. I should prolly bag this for the night.

Congrats.

Congrats!

I just thought every one should know that, yes this poem is about Dave, and yes, its about my first day at school- tranfered colleges and had to leave him behind.

Forced rhymes. You can't cross an i