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This Summers Ablaze (Triolet) by DeadtotheWorld
Playing in the courtyard on a summers ablaze Heat is scorching and it’s about to be raised Refreshed in water, But doesn’t last too long yet I’m not amazed; So we play on this summer ablaze For all the elder folks look at us as if were crazed Ice Cream man comes around, respected as if he were god, So naturally he will be praised; Now we play in the courtyard on this summer ablaze But the Heat is scorching and it’s still to be raised

Down the ladder: I MISS YOU

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.134471
Overall Rank: 5532
Posted: May 8, 2004 10:42 PM PDT; Last modified: May 8, 2004 10:47 PM PDT
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Comments:
[6] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 9-May-04/8:37 AM | Reply
These rhymes are forced. Either make the rhymes subtle, or don't use them.
[5] Sasha @ 69.138.236.63 | 9-May-04/2:06 PM | Reply
And use some rhymes that are more varied
[1] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 9-May-04/3:54 PM | Reply
My advice, get out of Idaho before you're completely retarded.
[7] zodiac @ 67.240.155.203 | 10-May-04/4:08 AM | Reply
"on a summers ablaze" doesn't make any sense. And this is not a villanelle. -No vote-
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