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Heat (Free verse) by Shardik
Powdered bones and mirage have turned my face away. This heat, these lines, intersecting ahead and behind my sun crawl. Pale, then red to bronze, now brown Blistering, peeling inside out and beyond The dunes, sidewinders, mountains perpetually unreachable, teasing me with safer shadow. Back skeletal, knees sand papered down to tendon and nerve. I serve the sky, a left over lover long of nail and without time A counter of clouds, a rain dancer on the verge... Of thunder, or death without song.

Up the ladder: Sleepless Nights

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 40
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Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Weighted score: 5.134471
Overall Rank: 5534
Posted: April 28, 2004 1:35 AM PDT; Last modified: April 28, 2004 1:35 AM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] Shardik @ 66.229.187.185 | 28-Apr-04/9:02 AM | Reply
You are all very shallow.
Manatees bobbing in a display pool
somewhere in the heart of Vegas.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.212.215 | 28-Apr-04/9:27 AM | Reply
If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd somehow turned into a Mature Poete in your absence.
[10] zodiac @ 152.30.44.39 | 28-Apr-04/6:13 PM | Reply
One minute after dozing,
I thought that I was a-blazing,
My blood it was a-boiling,
It was amazing.
[n/a] <~> @ 64.252.164.251 | 28-Apr-04/7:11 PM | Reply
nice, dry feeling to this, h.

watch the periods. they break it up too much, maybe. give me a reason your face has been turned away by these things, as the rest of you is a part of the schema.

maybe not 'death without song' but more so death with an unvoiced sound?

lose the ... on the second to last line. it cheapens the poem. the rest, in my opinion, is nicely done.
[0] Doug @ 205.188.116.140 | 11-Jun-04/6:27 PM | Reply
I was asleep by the third line!Very lame.
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