Re: Covers by sonawrote	31-Jan-04/11:32 AM
This is alright. The rhythm's good. But it's kind of...I don't know. Too generic, overall. I get no real vibe on the "I" or "you" portrayed here. They're kinda just cardboard cutouts. There's nothing that really gives you a unique voice. Oh, and "your looking" should be "you're looking"
Re: We are what we hold by somemorepoetry	31-Jan-04/11:35 AM
Not bad, either. It's pretty well written. For some reason, it's just not inspiring the emotion I think it's supposed to though. I'm kinda neutral on this one.
Re: Lonely Hearts by cjg	31-Jan-04/11:37 AM
This isn't bad. Of course, "lonely hearts" could be accused of being sort of a cliched phrase, and topic, but I kinda like what you did with it. Typo on lonely in L2, and I also think, in the same line, you could use a much more unique word than "smiles." "Hope at seventy beats per minute" is one of my favorite lines, as is "I flatline at midnight." I don't think you need to repeat lonely hearts at the end. Use something that implies it rather than outright saying it again.
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	31-Jan-04/11:42 AM
This is well-written (in an English/word usage kinda way). Personally, being into more contemporary type stuff, the content just doesn't do anything for me. But that's just personal preference, not really anything against your writing.
Re: In love as in war by zodiac	31-Jan-04/11:44 AM
This is great. I really like this poem. A very bold concept, written well. Nice job!
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/11:52 AM
There's really nothing in this one that reaches out and grabs me. The rhyme seems too forced, especially the hide/abide and the lines all pretty much lacking in originality. "The blood never lets" may be its redeeming quality.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/11:55 AM
gotta go with the others on the "hate" thing. Not crazy about "ne'er" or most of the rhyme.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/11:59 AM
This piece is narrated well..you did well with the dialog and all. It's pretty funny. I wish you would just end it with "but I was like No I have to finish the poem." That would be a cool ending. Either that, or along the lines of what someone else had suggested, add a new line at the end..something to the effect of "Anyway so I finished it and then had sex with her, thinking about _________ all the while" and then fill in the blank with something to do with the poem the narrator was writing.
Re: Alone Together by lynnkyle	31-Jan-04/12:01 PM
I like this poem. Although I don't feel like it really gets going until Stanza 5, which is my favorite, along with the ending stanza. The repetition of together etc. works really well in this piece.
Re: It's something about you by devina	31-Jan-04/12:03 PM
Way too generic. This could be a Hallmark card. And probably should be.
Re: Stronger by devina	31-Jan-04/12:06 PM
This one's too generic, too. It needs to "show" more in order to back up what you're trying to say with it and "tell" less, unless you can tell it with more originality than that.
Re: Of an Age Before by cleverdevice	31-Jan-04/12:08 PM
Not bad. Good imagery. Too many commas in S2.
Re: Pathetic lill' me.. by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:12 PM
er...cleverdevice...it's only a dream certaintly should have an apostrophe. It's a contraction of "it is." And you forgot to mention that "tomorrow" is spelled wrong. :D Not a bad poem, though, clumsey.
Re: Pathetic lill' me.. by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:13 PM
er..and that's "certainly" not "certaintly" hehe
Re: missin' you by clumseYdaiseY	31-Jan-04/12:14 PM
pretty and rhythmic, but not very unique.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/12:16 PM
I'm not really into Haiku, but despite that, this is still pretty good. Although since it's only three lines, personally, I'd use a more unexpected or less over-used word than "lovely."
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/12:36 PM
oops. hadn't signed in. well anyway, i upped the vote a little. didn't wanna judge it just on the fact that it's not my style. it's still pretty cool. still think you should use a more original word than "lovely" though.
regarding some deleted poem...	31-Jan-04/12:57 PM
hmm yeah, point taken.
Re: Alone Together by lynnkyle	31-Jan-04/1:00 PM
I think it could work either way
Re: Unhearted by Miggy	5-Feb-04/12:53 PM
This isn't bad...lyric wise. I mean, i can kinda 'hear' it as a song. As a poem I'd consider it more lacking. Anyway, my only major suggestion to you is to revise your chorus because the line with the phrase "an idea stupid" is quite awkward and way too forced a rhyme.