on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2004, 4:46 PM
Funny! I like the humor in this one.
on some deleted poem
31 Jan 2004, 11:28 AM
I really like the morbid humor in this one. But I think your rhythm is off. S1, L3 you should put about instead of 'bout. It could use the extra syllable. S4, L4 needs an extra syllable as well, as does S5, L4. Stanzas 3, 7 and 8 are my favorites. Too funny.
on Hard Month by wlshepherd
31 Jan 2004, 11:30 AM
It does seem a little disjointed. But I kinda like it. At first, "Some snow cold bird" sounded a little awkward to me. I dunno, it could probably be fixed just by adding a hypen (snow-cold). I really like the line "Like that day the rain dog shivered."