| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Hard Month (Free verse) by wlshepherd Special season between shadow and shade,
You swallow dark colour, sound,
Thick air swarming beneath.
Some snow cold bird could bring the night,
Then bad sky
Like that day the rain dog shivered.
You thought she'd use her love as if spring was almost full, flowers
through.
Only gentle, and never more so.
Up the ladder:
Origins
Down the ladder:
Summer Vacation
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.714286
Posted: January 31, 2004 5:08 AM PST; Last modified: January 31, 2004 5:08 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.192101 Overall Rank: 4650 Comments:
[7]
NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168
|
31-Jan-04/11:30 AM
|
Reply
It does seem a little disjointed. But I kinda like it. At first, "Some snow cold bird" sounded a little awkward to me. I dunno, it could probably be fixed just by adding a hypen (snow-cold). I really like the line "Like that day the rain dog shivered."
This is appalling. To think of the rain dog shivering and the some snow cold bird, really evokes massive feelings of having just gargled with Sperm. 159 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
