Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/5:02 PM
I agree, if you want to keep "so" ditch many and get two hard consonants in there. I of course would not be able to resist saying "with the van gogh colours standing out lonely" lolololol
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/4:44 PM
how about darling? same gist, more over the top in keeping with the rest. or beloved? used there it would almost be an epithet...
Re: Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/4:41 PM
mmmm, yummy word soup. I'm such a sucker for syncopation. L. 6 feels isolated, can he get a companion clause? L. 8 is too weak rhythmically to stand with the rest, get a spondee or two in there. You could just delete "so" for a spondee. L23-24. get rid of "these" and "of", and match your tenses: I sing battle hymns to Dixie, cotton and unbroken/But it just feels folktale. you wishy washy out near the end! How about "in the end when we heard", and find a way to get rid of courtesy if you can. i agreed with zodiacs suggestions also, except that I don't mind sweet. lol, we had a fight over the word thing once.
Re: Pine by andrewjthomas	26-Jan-04/3:02 PM
Some good stuff in here. Please do a little bonsai with it. You intrigued me, but by the end I no longer gave a fuck what you were tired of. Just post the pome, not the whole worksheet for the pome.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:43 PM
This should be a pimple, I think.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:41 PM
Better not to have Lenore explain to us how to interpret his poem, because it should stand on its own, you nit. Oh wait, I just did that two days ago. Ooops.
Re: a comment on Plastic is Forever by http://mulberryfairy	26-Jan-04/2:31 PM
plasticized is most definitely a word, without the hyphen, and it is pronounced plastisized. It is often also spelled plasticised.
Re: Sequence by http://mulberryfairy	26-Jan-04/2:14 PM
This totally works for me, just as it is. But they booted me out of Eratosphere.
Re: The Ballade of Hollis Browne by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	26-Jan-04/2:01 PM
you will burn in hell for blaspheming the born-again bob, you infidel goat.
Re: a comment on What A Little spark Can Do by Blindpoetry	26-Jan-04/10:33 AM
poetry is crafted language. Now, consider: if you told a cabinetmaker that his cherrywood bookcase looked spontanEous, would that be an insult or a compliment?
Re: a comment on Grieving by d35	25-Jan-04/12:21 PM
Kleine wichser, das ist kein Deutsch.
Re: a comment on Grieving by d35	25-Jan-04/10:56 AM
No. Gown. Incontrovertibly gown.
Re: a comment on Grieving by d35	25-Jan-04/10:49 AM
Ja, aber ich habe gar nichts erklärt, sondern habe ich eine Erklärung gesucht! Jedenfalls, morgen werde ich einem Kollegen fragen, ob was der tomcheese gesagt hat, macht Sinn oder.
Re: Martyrs in suburbia - (we wander like breezes) by zodiac	25-Jan-04/10:37 AM
MOST enjoyable. Is "I'll be the seed that's threshed in that fiery immortal catechesis" a metaphor for posting on pomeranker? That line's the only one that bugs me, because I'm not really sure what you mean by the fiery immortal catechesis. st.2 l.4 I think it should it be I look across TO where or I look across the aisle and see or something. In any case, what you look across isn't what you're looking at. How's THAT for a nitpick, lol.
Re: the small drop by richa	25-Jan-04/10:08 AM
I agree with zodiac except I don't mind "they were a sunlight". It made me pause and consider the last line more deeply. If you want to demarcate "Water" set it off with a colon or by giving it its own line. Hmm, just a thought, what about "disguising themselves as sunlight" or posing as sunlight, or something along those lines?
Re: a comment on The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere	25-Jan-04/10:01 AM
oh come on, you can't demote her to the same league as CLS & snowflake. fevriere, I share your fascination with binding words and ideas together that don't ordinarily appear in company, like amusing oneself trying to push magnets together with the same pole facing, but by themselves these little word games rarely do anything for anyone except the writer. Try doing it just once in an otherwise concrete pome. Like building a framework to hold the magnets in exactly the unnatural but interesting apposition you wish to capture. (when you're successful at this, please come back and teach me how to do it too)
Re: a comment on Grieving by d35	25-Jan-04/6:24 AM
War dass ein Ausdruck, was tomcheese hat gesagt? Mein Deutsch ist zu schleckt es zu verstehen. Es hat mir kein Sinn gemacht, eben wann ich habe google und leo benutzt.
Re: A Glass of Water by Princess_Snowflake	25-Jan-04/6:18 AM
A glass of water's the bestest drug So 9 or 10 per day I chug But I get more leverage From the beverage If I leave some ergot growing in the jug.
Re: a comment on The Grandfather Suite by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	24-Jan-04/5:04 PM
yeah, well you missed one. And I feel violated.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	24-Jan-04/4:57 PM
Wow. Wonderful. So well-crafted. Beautiful images. I loved your father's head "bowing like a cumbersome tulip" as he mowed. What a wonderfully apt image. It's been a long long time since I read narnia so I had to google for Mr Tumnus, but then it became even more poignant. This is so excellent you will obviously be taking it other places than pomeranker--do you want comments? I'll plunge ahead: There are a couple tiny edits needed: in st. 2 blossoms needs an s; in st. 3 incense is misspelled; and in st. 4 should it be "and HE met my Mother there"? In st. 2 the second use of Mum seems awkward, mightn't it be better to use mother? "His solace was the hills" bothers me slightly. Normally, solace would be found in the hills. "solace was found in" is a clichéd phrase you probably want to avoid, but maybe you might consider something like "His solace was in the hills/And he found my mother there too" (I dunno that that's better) and maybe one more line to indicate why she was in the hills that day??? "loving words" at the end of st. 3 seems a little weak & generic in comparison to the rest. No idea at all how to fix that since I'm not entirely sure what you mean by his father's wrath remaining in his loving words. I can think of lots of ways for that to be so, but I'd like to know which one you mean. SO good...