DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Sequence

Member since 2003 · Posted 26 Jan 2004 · 4 comments

Martin Luther King, Jr. please don't choose me even though I love you here...and here. If you do you'll die (be lynched)like my last. I'll sift my fingers through your grave of loose dirt and sand plunging my outstretched fingers into your strangely exposed brain tissue feeling the mourning, the horror, the infatuation all at once.

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4 comments

[7] abecedarian 26-Jan-04/10:38 AM Reply

Strangely exposed. I don't like 'strangely' here. It implies that you are a confused observer to yourself - not really understanding what is going on around you. It has the effect of distancing you (and therefore the reader) from the scene. Focus on the the nature of the wound that exposes the brain tissue and derive your adjective in that manner.

[n/a] http://mulberryfairy › abecedarian 26-Jan-04/7:16 PM Reply

the narrator IS confused and distanced. I think calling him by his full name (MLK, Jr.) has even more of a distancing effect, but I did want to call him Martin and have people not know who Martin was.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Jan-04/11:39 AM Reply

Yes, I know the feeling. I was once chosen by the 40th iteration of the Mother Theresa group-sentience to take part in a Diabetes Day parade. God, I hope I never witness anything one-tenth as horrifying again.

[10] Goad 26-Jan-04/2:14 PM Reply

This totally works for me, just as it is. But they booted me out of Eratosphere.