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Sequence (Free verse) by http://mulberryfairy Martin Luther King, Jr.
please don't choose me
even though I love you
here...and here.
If you do you'll die
(be lynched)like my last.
I'll sift my fingers through
your grave of loose dirt and sand
plunging my outstretched fingers
into your strangely exposed brain tissue
feeling the mourning, the horror, the infatuation
all at once.
Up the ladder:
Devil, Devil, Hear Me Pray
Down the ladder:
All the rain has fallen
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: January 26, 2004 7:38 AM PST; Last modified: January 26, 2004 7:38 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5412 Comments:
[7]
abecedarian @ 164.67.82.153
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26-Jan-04/10:38 AM
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Reply
Strangely exposed. I don't like 'strangely' here. It implies that you are a confused observer to yourself - not really understanding what is going on around you. It has the effect of distancing you (and therefore the reader) from the scene. Focus on the the nature of the wound that exposes the brain tissue and derive your adjective in that manner.
[n/a]
http://mulberryfairy @ 216.195.166.162
> abecedarian
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26-Jan-04/7:16 PM
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Reply
the narrator IS confused and distanced. I think calling him by his full name (MLK, Jr.) has even more of a distancing effect, but I did want to call him Martin and have people not know who Martin was.
Yes, I know the feeling. I was once chosen by the 40th iteration of the Mother Theresa group-sentience to take part in a Diabetes Day parade. God, I hope I never witness anything one-tenth as horrifying again.
This totally works for me, just as it is. But they booted me out of Eratosphere.
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