Re: a comment on Reincarnation by Dovina	20-Apr-05/2:11 AM
"It's the trouble with all religion. answers are too easy." Also, http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123173
Re: a comment on Trying to get signed? by Damien	20-Apr-05/2:08 AM
Here are the assumptions you've made about poemranker users in the last week. And not that it matters, but I've also included how they're all incorrect. 1) zodiac doesn't use constructive criticism "without trying to make sense." -- I always use constructive criticism WHILE trying to make sense. 2) Goad is " bamboon... big headed egotistic being". -- Goad's not a bamboon, egotistic, or a real being. 3) You touched zodiac's "nerve". -- No you didn't. 4) zodiac sits around a computer all day. -- No, actually you're on poemranker a lot more often than I am. And I sit around a desert all day, not a computer. 5) zodiac is old. -- I'm not much older than you. 6) zodiac's egotistic. -- No, I was just trying to tell you to use their, instead of there. I'm not egotistic about pants, either, but if you went outside without yours, I'd try to let you know. 7) rockmage is a "little boy" and looks like a "d*ckhead". -- rockmage is about a hundred years old and looks like a v*gina. 8) rockmage "came here to offend." -- rockmage is consistently the nicest poemranker user. You're the offensive one and only came here to get your knob polished by juvenile kissasses. 9) Stephen Robbins is on your side. -- Stephen wishes you would fall in a well. 10) zodiac has "the intention to save the world." -- Actually, I'd like to see the world fall in a well. 11) ho_hum made about 8 assumptions. -- No he didn't. 12) ho_hum is still making assumptions even if he doesn't express them. -- No he's not. So shut the fuck up.
Re: a comment on Utensils of creation by Damien	20-Apr-05/1:50 AM
Are you currently filthy rich? I was talking about something you actually have, or have done.
Re: f*ckyouoldmenandyourrules by Damien_	18-Apr-05/10:43 PM
Congratulations, this is the man you just called a brainiac: http://rockmage.com/biography.jsp Get bored and leave soon.
Re: 15 Minute poem by Damien	18-Apr-05/10:37 PM
Just think how much better this poem would have been if you'd spent 30 minutes on it instead of 15. What were you so busy doing that you couldn't spend another fifteen minutes and made it twice as good? I'll bet you were whacking off to either the blonde daughter or the gothish daughter, or both, on Rosanne.
Re: a comment on Utensils of creation by Damien	18-Apr-05/10:34 PM
Why don't you name something you, Damien, would consider a standard for a successful life? For example, BIKES: I, Damien, have a 24-speed bike. What've you got? I'll be waiting.
Re: a comment on Reincarnation by Dovina	18-Apr-05/10:18 PM
Oh, good answer. I've got another one: Have you ever noticed that everybody thinks they were somebody great or at least meaningful in some kind of historically relevant place? I mean, no one ever thinks, I was an accountant in Des Moines in my past life. They're always, as in the case of my wife, an Egyptian slave, an Irish priestess (seriously), a Renaissance mathematician, a Native American, and a Mexican potter. Weird, huh?
Re: a comment on the Dreamer by darylchew	18-Apr-05/10:13 PM
Can I make a suggestion? Most people don't want to read other peoples' rushes of thoughts. They want to read something you've put a little effort and time into. Doesn't that make sense? If you're going to say, no poetry isn't like that it's spur-of-the-moment and emotional - well, then you'd be wrong. Most well-liked poets spend a lot of time and energy making their poems look like they didn't take a lot of time or energy. Anyway, one thing you should think about while writing a poem is that IF YOU'VE EVER HEARD anything like what you're thinking about writing, don't write it. Write about something different. I'm not trying to dis. I know what it's like to be fifteen and starting to write poetry. This is what I wish someone had said to me back then.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	18-Apr-05/10:06 PM
1) Yes and no. For one thing, they don't say "oppression... in this particular case." They call that, a bad day. Oppression is bad days forever. For instance, at any point during this reading, did you lose your right to get up and LEAVE the motherfucking reading? 2) You think I'm not listening to you and pulling interpretations out of my ass. Now you listen. I am listening to you. But there are things you don't know, because you have to learn them in college classes, or you have to live and work for a long time among African-Americans, or you have to spend a long time actually working towards greater freedom and equality for African-Americans, or you have to have a lot of common sense. You've got none of these things. I do. So, pay attention: These are not zodiac's wild-haired out-of-the-blue interpretations; these are the STANDARD INTERPRETATIONS for writing of this kind, taught on the first day of any literature class. To wit, I showed this poem to my wife - who, by the way, is nothing like me and only took two semesters of literature as an undergrad. She said EXACTLY THE SAME THING. Incidentally, if you'd made this poem about women instead of blacks, I'd be saying the same thing. 3) Great, and we both know this poem's only about one individual, because you've really only met one black individual, haven't you? Oh... but wait. You've posted this poem on a public website, where we readers read poems and try (since this is the point of poetry anyway) to somehow relate them to our lives. But, then, we don't know your one black disser, so we start thinking about other black people WE might know. AND IT COMES ACROSS AS MOTHERFUCKING RACIST, GODDAMMIT. Is that how you want to present yourself to the world? No, you say, just to zodiac. Bow'ls. If you were on a real poetry site you'd have been lynched the first day, no explanations. At least I'm trying to explain what's going on here, preferably before you go saying it to the SECOND black person you meet in your life. 4) If I told you "Dovina, go ahead, post 25 comments on poemranker today", what would you think? 5) Then it's not making up. The suggestion that it's even in the same category is racist. To wit, consider if instead of "ignoring, not hiring, etc" you'd said to your black reader, "go ahead, my people deserve it, take this Nerf foam bat and go wild on me." It's simply silly. 6) So I'm supposed to be giving constructive advice and all. Here goes: Re-write this poem so it has nothing to do with white ancestors and black ancestors (incidentally, the trouble comes when you start grouping whites and blacks, even ancestors). Make it about a guy that dissed you, but it was okay because while driving to the reading you hit all of his children with your Volkswagen. You'd been powerbrokering on your cellphone at the time.
Re: Reincarnation by Dovina	17-Apr-05/6:00 AM
Not to be irrelevant, but I've always wondered what's the point of reincarnating if you don't remember your past lives. Do you think some people do? If not, how do you think a past self affects somebody's present self? If it doesn't (or doesn't much), isn't it pretty much the same thing as not being reincarnated?
Re: the Dreamer by darylchew	17-Apr-05/5:57 AM
Sorry, but this is the one-thousandth time this exact poem has been posted on poemranker. Or sung by the Beatles, for that matter. If you want to write about something original (and you should), why not write about somebody who DOES something?
Re: We Were Burnouts by jessicazee	17-Apr-05/5:55 AM
You're really getting very good. The loose parts in the middle are made up for by that amazing last sentence.
Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT	17-Apr-05/5:53 AM
I think "the death of fall" is misused - and didn't you just say it was spring? And didn't you skip a season? Also, "exchange" alone is better than "exchange rate" (which is too cute). And what's up with the end?
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	17-Apr-05/5:42 AM
1) Yes, but the "vague" part isn't the point; the "past" part is. Racism, unequal opportunities, and so on ARE STILL GOING ON FOR ALMOST ALL BLACKS. AND YOU AND I ARE PART OF IT. If you disagree (and I'm not saying you will, it's just that I don't have enough computer time to wait for your response) it's probably because you live in California, which is currently more segregated than Alabama. If you agree, then why did you say "My kind abused your kind" and "My ancestors did it to your ancestors"? Why didn't you just say, "I and my kind still do it all the time to your kind"? (Incidentally, I think that would be a fine reason for blacks to kick whitey's ass.) Whatever you meant by it, "My ancestors did it to your ancestors" says white peoples' crimes were in the past and you weren't part of them. If you're going to say "My ancestors did it to your ancestors" is a historically accurate thing to say, that's not the point. 2) Oh, Jesus. You really think you were oppressed? In my village last year, a woman was actually stoned to death for charges of adultery. The accuser? The man she was sleeping with. Get real, honey. No black person or group of black people in America can REALLY oppress a white person or group of white people. You were hurt, yes, but get over it. And don't abuse words like 'oppression' to mean some guy dissing you for a little while. 3) I've said since the beginning, no black person in his right mind would consider it. Congratulations. Now you're racist because of one lunatic. 4) No, you just told black people to ignore you, not hire you, belittle you in their verse, and skip over you at readings. For the millionth time: they don't need you to tell them. Telling them says that you have the authority to tell them, which you don't. 5) Do you understand that if black people for some unimaginable reason really wanted to make up for past wrongs, it would involve putting you naked on a GODDAMN BOAT, carting you slowly to Africa, and if you didn't die along the way laboring you to death while breeding you like a FUCKING SOW and separating you from your children and parents for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, YOUR CHILDRENS' ENTIRE LIVES, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AND GREAT-GRANDCHILDRENS' ENTIRE LIVES, and so on foreverandever amen? And that's just slavery. If they wanted to make up for the rest, they would put you in the SHITTIEST POSSIBLE EXCUSE for a school ever invented, deny you voting rights, adequate housing, adequate work and pay for your entire life, your children's entire lives, your grandchildren and great-grandchildren's entire lives. Then, when you were good and desperate, they would deny you justice, arrest you on the slightest provocation, and put you AND ONE-THIRD OF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW in jail with double the sentence the oppressing class gets for the same crime. I'm sorry, Dovina, but ignoring, not hiring, belittling, and skipping just don't quite cover it. It's a fucking joke to even suggest they do.
Re: Freedom by shadows	15-Apr-05/11:09 PM
This poem is utterly illogical. Bush actually says it better, and that's saying a lot.
Re: wonder by the_poetess	15-Apr-05/11:06 PM
People like you.
Re: believing by whispern_smoke_wisp	15-Apr-05/11:05 PM
And no offense intended - really - but it seems like instead of posting a half-dozen mediocre poems at the same time, you could use your two-day limit to REALLY work on ONE of them, maybe the best one, and make it something more than mediocre.
Re: believing by whispern_smoke_wisp	15-Apr-05/11:04 PM
You're probably wondering why you really got such low votes on this one. I'd say it's because you start with a bad assumption ("If all it takes for fairies to be real...") that no one really believes anyway, and then apply it in a kind of backwards way to God (since the fairies bit you copped from Peter Pan was CREATED TO BE a metaphor for childlike beliefs in general, especially belief in God), then you just kind of jump to the bumper-sticker bit at the end. Besides that one, sort of faulty, idea, there's nothing really to make this poetry, no originality of expression or imagery. Please don't get me wrong. I like you and want to see you stick around and improve. Don't be offended.
Re: Requiem for Faith by James Rykelangeli	15-Apr-05/10:58 PM
I would use another word instead of "dolorous". Or drop it altogether.
Re: Spit Factor by [mojo]	15-Apr-05/10:55 PM
Do you ever want to pull your cock out in public? This is the poem for you: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=94210