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Trying to get signed? (Free verse) by Damien I do not understand this frame of mind
I only feel the truth inside it I fly
One day I am someone with the highest ambition
The next I could be complete if I forget this competition
Because if I choose to acknowledge this as a worth full fight
I will do something new, as I know how to catch peopleâs sight
I will think of the next big thing not what you bring
You humans will be shocked at what evolution sings
So I will write and contemplate whilst growing from within
Be persistent with my dreams and "just go for it"
All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?
But stop if you are judging as you scum destroy
Leave me be rip me up cant you see I will find joy
Canât you see youâre the key that can begin this process?
My expressions will progress, as my mind is not hopeless
Up the ladder:
ANGel R U
Down the ladder:
THEY SAY YOU ARE AN ANGEL
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: April 14, 2005 3:30 AM PDT; Last modified: April 14, 2005 3:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.7615943 Overall Rank: 11616 Comments:
I didn't like this. Maybe it's some of the grammer issues, or maybe it's just the underlying tone. I'm sure you've heard of something known as slam poetry, right? I think that's where you should have focused the energy that went into this. I do like the fighting spirit this displays however. Hold onto that, this place gets to be battleground over some of the dumbest reasons. I was most put off by the "stop if you are judging as you scum destroy". This is a ranking site. You will be judged. I can't honestly vote this higher than a 4. Because if a poem is a machine, then it's what it does for us that we are rating. This moved me little. The comments were actually more interesting.
<3 Jason
Thankyou for your usefull insight, I hope it wil help me grow within poetry, in fact I thank all you people who had the effort to comment.
You are welcome.
Damien, you say on your homepage:
"Think what you want but express what you like not what is wrong." Which makes me think that you only want positive comments on your poems. Now, if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't. This makes me think that you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism as it is meant. Now if you put you poems on a website called "poemRANKER", then you can't really get all upset if someone scores you a zero; that's just their perception of your work. There's no point expecting people to build up your self image, when the image they will create (of an excellent poet) is inaccurate. You say "All I need now is an honest opinion of this If I can write this simply do I have a gift?", you've been given an honest answer, and you've got all upset about it. It may suprise you, but if you do write something brilliant, it will generally get comments saying it is brilliant. And finally, the grammer issue. You must accept that it is important, consider the following two sentences: A woman, without her man, is nothing. A woman; without her, man is nothing. Identical words, almost directly contradictory meanings, all achieved by the placement of punctuation. So your claim that: "if everybody decided to do this we would still understand each other." may not be as correct as you think. Even the addition of a few commas to your poems would help a great deal, think of it as helping hands guiding the reader through your work. Now don't get all offensive.
Congratulations you have just made around 8 assumptions of the way I personally think JUST from one line, WOW you have a great imagination.
you only want positive comments on your poems if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism Ans as for: "All I need now is an honest opinion of this If I can write this simply do I have a gift?", AM I NOT ALOUD TO USE MY IMAGINATION
Wrong. I said what you made me THINK. I made no assumptions. You, however, have reinforced my opinions that you are just indeed quite insecure. On a second point, I quote THREE of your statements from your poems, from which I assemble a point of view. Not one line only.
What you don't say is whether my opinions of you are accurate. I think most of those who have been on the receiving end to your childish tantrums regarding the marks awarded you would agree with me. What do you think? ALLOWED, not ALOUD. And even so I don't get your point, are you saying that in some metaphorical sense you are not asking for an opinion on your work? You also fail to answer the point regarding your (non) use of grammar. Perhaps the "key that can begin this process" is for you to accept that you could improve your writing, and your response to the comments of others. Especially when said comments are not a direct attack but an honest critique.
Me childish, I am simply doing the honest thing and replying to peoples comment. I am also having a bit of fun and not just being boring. As for the assumptions, You are still making them even if you dont express them. Now stop arguing And being "Childish".
Here are the assumptions you've made about poemranker users in the last week. And not that it matters, but I've also included how they're all incorrect.
1) zodiac doesn't use constructive criticism "without trying to make sense." -- I always use constructive criticism WHILE trying to make sense. 2) Goad is " bamboon... big headed egotistic being". -- Goad's not a bamboon, egotistic, or a real being. 3) You touched zodiac's "nerve". -- No you didn't. 4) zodiac sits around a computer all day. -- No, actually you're on poemranker a lot more often than I am. And I sit around a desert all day, not a computer. 5) zodiac is old. -- I'm not much older than you. 6) zodiac's egotistic. -- No, I was just trying to tell you to use their, instead of there. I'm not egotistic about pants, either, but if you went outside without yours, I'd try to let you know. 7) rockmage is a "little boy" and looks like a "d*ckhead". -- rockmage is about a hundred years old and looks like a v*gina. 8) rockmage "came here to offend." -- rockmage is consistently the nicest poemranker user. You're the offensive one and only came here to get your knob polished by juvenile kissasses. 9) Stephen Robbins is on your side. -- Stephen wishes you would fall in a well. 10) zodiac has "the intention to save the world." -- Actually, I'd like to see the world fall in a well. 11) ho_hum made about 8 assumptions. -- No he didn't. 12) ho_hum is still making assumptions even if he doesn't express them. -- No he's not. So shut the fuck up.
hey! just because I have *cough* several names doesn't mean I'm not a real being!
Oh. I don't see why you'd want to be. And you're not, as far as I know, a bamboon anyway. But hey, thanks. Now Damien can think I just made this all up.
What pahtetic rambling for an adult.
You're a spaz. This is all things YOU'VE SAID.
Here you go again. Zodiac I have read your poetry, Its good, I like your style, I want to be friends. Are you a skitsophrenic (how I think its spelt) as you have offered some very constructive comments. Say what you want just please stop replying like this is a fucking argument.
Oh yeah Zodiac, just checked out your recent comments. I belive you have no right to say anything to anyone, most of your comments were full of offensive irellivent (sorry for spelling)
remarks. I notice you enjoy putting people down (wow what an assumption) and love a good argument (another assumption? I'me getting good). heres a few extracts, also I think people should check your voting history, you have an average of 6.25 or something. Utterly discusting. Congratulations, this is the man you just called a brainiac: http://rockmage.com/biograp... Get bored and leave soon. Re: 15 Minute poem by Damien* 18-Apr-05/10:37 PM Just think how much better this poem would have been if you'd spent 30 minutes on it instead of 15. What were you so busy doing that you couldn't spend another fifteen minutes and made it twice as good? I'll bet you were whacking off to either the blonde daughter or the gothish daughter, or both, on Rosanne. Re: Snap by rockmage 17-Apr-05/6:07 AM "rotates a swirl", what? Do you really mean something like "swirls a swirl" or "spins a spin"? Seems like a waste of precious haikullables to me. Re: Why The Spinning Top Appears Too Beautiful To Touch by PsydewaysTears 17-Apr-05/6:05 AM Drop the line at the end if you want this to even start being considered as a real poem. Also, write about a real situation. I know you think you are, but you're not. Make your hero/narrator/whatever walking somewhere, doing something, having a realistic conversation - something to tie things together and be more than just whatever goth cliches popped into your head as you were writing. So you've got a dinner party in there somewhere; use that. Start with a person cleaning stains out of the carpet. Really. Start with the line, "She/he scrubbed stains in the carpet" and go from there. Drop 90% of the lines in this poem that aren't about getting ready for dinner parties. I'm absolutely serious. Even Eliot made his rambling egos WALKING somewhere. Re: Reincarnation by Dovina 17-Apr-05/6:00 AM Not to be irrelevant, but I've always wondered what's the point of reincarnating if you don't remember your past lives. Do you think some people do? If not, how do you think a past self affects somebody's present self? If it doesn't (or doesn't much), isn't it pretty much the same thing as not being reincarnated?
Don't assume. All those comments except the first have at least something to do with the poem, and most of them are helpful suggestions (i.e., the comment on Psydeways Tears's poems).
By contrast, the comments you've posted on OTHER PEOPLE'S POEMS BESIDES YOUR OWN are: "Sorry I have never rated any of your poems I am just at work when I am on the net. Nice feel although not a dastic subject, plus how can I say anything bad to someone who has offered nothing but support. Keep up the good work and get in contact with me about publishing books as this is a dream of mine. Love the style" "Very nice mouthfull, love the style, great talent and wonderfullllll subject. " "No real movement for me but it does represent what you can do with words." And "Feels like something I would of wrote. I trulty feel the meaning, if only these other "critiques" could see that." Can you honestly say that any of these poems gives a useful suggestion or does anything else except a) give vague fluffy praise, b) trash the poem in a vague, rather fluffy way, or c) trash "critiques"?
I use this Ethusiastic language to motivate people at what they choose to do, its entirely up to me how I express myself (thank fuck).
Of course it is. No one's arguing that. Except you. You're the one who went to the trouble of posting my recent comments, and trying to dis. You're also the one who spends all your time here whining about other people's comments.
NEWSFLASH: It's entirely up to EVERYBODY ON POEMRANKER how they express themselves. ANOTHER NEWSFLASH: That doesn't mean no one can call anyone else here 'a hapless fuck.'
NEWSFLAH: you reply to every comment that I have replied to, are you so shallow you have to say something back.
NEWSEXPLOSION: I am not here to offend anybody,when people offend me I am replying once but they are not giving up, who is holding this persistent negative attitude? err, you.
You reply to every comment that I have replied to. Plus, you have the advantage of not living in an extremely boring country. At least, as dull as Manchester is, it's not as dull as the Middle East, and right now I'd talk to a talking cow if it meant I could speak English.
Re the second bit: Yes, you are. And saying you're wrong about something isn't a negative attitude. Otherwise, I'd just have to agree with every silly thing you said if I wanted keep a positive attitude. Or go find something better to do. Even saying you're wrong about something you dumb motherfucker isn't a negative attitude. Maybe I just like the expression dumb motherfucker. The problem, as I see it, is I'm making conclusions about you based on things you say (like, "Damien never spells or writes grammar correctly" or, "Damien's arguments are hypocritical and incoherent"), while you're making conclusions based on absolutely nothing (like, "zodiac sits around his computer all day", "zodiac is so shallow he has to say something back", or "everybody on this site makes assumptions except me"). Maybe if you took care of that problem, you'd find the attitudes on poemranker a lot less, um, negative.
I only mentioned everyone makes assumptions INCLUDING me. I have no reason to argue back. I may come across hypocritical but thats because I am messing around at work (not an excuse) and I promise you this is not how I come across in conversation.
Yes, "everyone makes assumptions INCLUDING me" is pretty self-fulfilling, isn't it? You're just assuming that everybody makes assumptions, so it's okay if you do.
Anyway, most of the people here who ARE making assuptions are making them based on your writing, like "Damien could stand to work on his grammar", while you're making assumptions based on almost nothing. In the case of "zodiac sits around his computer all day", your only basis for thinking that is that I happen to be on a website typing - which YOU'RE ALSO DOING. PS-All of us are messing around at work. None of us (except maybe Stephen and Fraser) are employed as professional poemranker responders. Please don't make assumptions about us, especially when you're doing the same thing as we are. That's no way to enlightenment, buddy. And this is not how I come across in conversation.
Wrong, that is not how I speak normally like I said. These playfull assumptions are getting everyones knickers in a twist.
Here you go: lets be friends, I am sorry for any remark I made to offend whether true or false. A TRUCE. 219 view(s)
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Thanks for the positive response.
Q: What do you mean you can "be more flexible without it"?
A: You're cr*p at grammar, so you've invented a reason why it's ok to be cr*p.
You can only be "more flexible" without grammar if you ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE F*CK YOU ARE DOING.
If you were to take up fishing, you'd feel you could be "more flexible without the pole".
Ironically the pole is the most flexible thing in fishing, aside from your limp cock which hasn't been fully deployed since Grandma bit a chunk off during a rather rowdy episode of "Countdown."
GET A LIFE
GET A LIFE
GET A LIFE
Plus it makes them feel "Hard" E.t.c (F*cking scumbags)