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Trying to get signed? (Free verse) by Damien

I do not understand this frame of mind I only feel the truth inside it I fly One day I am someone with the highest ambition The next I could be complete if I forget this competition Because if I choose to acknowledge this as a worth full fight I will do something new, as I know how to catch people’s sight I will think of the next big thing not what you bring You humans will be shocked at what evolution sings So I will write and contemplate whilst growing from within Be persistent with my dreams and "just go for it" All I need now is an honest opinion of this If I can write this simply do I have a gift? But stop if you are judging as you scum destroy Leave me be rip me up cant you see I will find joy Can’t you see you’re the key that can begin this process? My expressions will progress, as my mind is not hopeless

ho_hum 19-Apr-05/3:23 AM
Damien, you say on your homepage:

"Think what you want but express what you like not what is wrong."

Which makes me think that you only want positive comments on your poems. Now, if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't. This makes me think that you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism as it is meant. Now if you put you poems on a website called "poemRANKER", then you can't really get all upset if someone scores you a zero; that's just their perception of your work. There's no point expecting people to build up your self image, when the image they will create (of an excellent poet) is inaccurate. You say "All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?", you've been given an honest answer, and you've got all upset about it. It may suprise you, but if you do write something brilliant, it will generally get comments saying it is brilliant.

And finally, the grammer issue. You must accept that it is important, consider the following two sentences:

A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman; without her, man is nothing.

Identical words, almost directly contradictory meanings, all achieved by the placement of punctuation. So your claim that:

"if everybody decided to do this we would still understand each other."

may not be as correct as you think. Even the addition of a few commas to your poems would help a great deal, think of it as helping hands guiding the reader through your work.

Now don't get all offensive.




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