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f*ckyouoldmenandyourrules (Pimple) by Damien_ yo, Goad, listen up motherf*cker
ima bust your ass without succor
ima make your butt cheeks pucker
take me for some sucker
don't look for obviation
of my rage with citation
of some old rules for the formation
of my words -- it's creation
f*ck you and your castration
of poetry's raw elation
I'll slam you to damnation
all you've got's dry explanation
a boring mindless libration
around a fixed point of reference...
that's just dumb deference
to some dead guy's ideas
of what's right because he was
more read than you, now he's dead so you
make his achievement ground zero
you forget why he's a hero
'cuz he did it all different, broke the old rules
and he'd come back and call you all fools
but all you can do is hassle
go on and build your air castle
your dreams of superiority,
keep on with your delusions
that your mere seniority
holds off our conclusions
about your inferiority
think we're cheering your wit? we
saw your last post, it was sure shitty
how much time engineering that poor ditty
lol after hearing your shit we
all have some confusion
how you're sustaining the illusion
your skill with words is that facile
I think your work's a big passle
of shit, and you're my vassal
you've missed the point you dumb assh*le
poetry's not some theory Bohr writ, see
our energy's not in boxes
quantum states cuz some cock says
no, we're the free radicals
and these are just the first fascicles
of new poetical pinnacles
so f*ck off all you aristocraticals
you'd best stop intruding
on our work with rude sling-
ing of insults, denuding
some poor girl's heartfelt brooding
because she missed some apostrophes
they don't matter! your commentary's just chatter
you don't care if the accrued sting
gives her one fatal last mood swing
just so you can make like you're some Sophocles
if we let you somehow you'd wring
all the joy from this true thing
we call poetry, but now I'm disallowing
so get set to march like deng xiaoping
but you won't end up no president
you'll just be another resident
of the club for washed up oldie hacks
with the rockmages and the zodiacs
what you get for trying to be brainiacs
well done and good luck,
you has-been old f*ck.
Up the ladder:
"Twee"
Down the ladder:
To Brittany
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.181818
Posted: April 18, 2005 11:47 AM PDT; Last modified: April 18, 2005 11:47 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.590909 Overall Rank: 2329 Comments:
Congratulations, this is the man you just called a brainiac: http://rockmage.com/biography.jsp
Get bored and leave soon.
Seriously. Why do you censor yourself? What is the point of it? Censorship just seem like one of the rules you've some how retained I guess. You had me for awhile, before I got bored by shear length, and subject matter that I felt was being beat overly to death. Yes, it's okay to slam multiple poets in one post, No, it's not okay to slam multiple poets in one post given the amount of time, and the aforementioned droning subject. Ambition is a good thing to have. Eye strain however, sucks for poetry. -7- Because I liked alot of it. I just thought there was way too much of it.
Why not stop banging your head against a brick wall on poemranker.com, and start your own site called angstyteenagerapranker.com. Do you want to be the next Eminem or something?
This one, however, did make me laugh. So you get a 5 for it. You lose marks for it being just a bit too much like 'Stan' by Eminem in terms of the sheer amount of ranting rage. Take it easy. Actually you can get a 6 for the unexpected Deng Xiaoping reference, although you should capitalise proper nouns. Fuck not f*ck.
Eminem is an extraordinarily talented poet. I know it will be considered very uncool for me to say so, but he really is. I don't like rap much, and when he's doing the whole gang bang thing I think it's boring. But some of his lyrics? breathtaking skill with word-smithing.
I used to think that but then I realised I was thinking about 'Stan' and 'my name is' and all his other lyrics were utterly thick.
What about cleaning out my closet? Setting aside the vitriol, just the sheer technical excellence of the language is exhilarating.
I pretty much agree, quite a talented young man. The problem being that those who wish to imitate him only see the angry young man type stuff and don't explicitly pay attention to the elegance with which it is constructed. Hence you get loads of angry teenagers thinking that if they shout 'fuck' enough times someone will give them a record deal.
Oddly enough the big votes here do seem to go with the big words rather than the big attitudes. I liked being shouted at although a couple of the rhymes weren't my cup of tea (although I'm in no position to criticise other peoples' rhymes), 8 from me.
Thank you mister Ranger sir, and you are so right about their attitudes. People like you are what we need moer of to have some kind of balance in this place. May I ask which rhymes you weren't that were not your cup of tea? I do appreciate constructive crit whatever some people say about me.
Mostly the "-ation" so often (which I think someone's already commented on).
I also appreciated the fact that you had the presence of mind to let people know this is a 'pimple', yet so many others slate it as though you'd been trying to write Byron. That made me chuckle.
I'm going to give you an 8 for this. Not because it's actually worth an 8, mind you, but just because the fact that you obviously must have put actual time and effort into coming up with 5 5-syllable rhymes & a 4-syllable rhyme against inferiority/superiority is (I hope) an encouraging sign of some sort of pending revivification. Though with our luck, it's more likely a sign of pending revitrification.
speaking of "xxxxx-ation": rhyming against -ation 8 times in a row is DEFINITELY NOT to be encouraged. Please don't do that again. Even if the last one is a clever use of an obscure word. And please: get rid of "fascicles". It's a word that just ought not to exist. Even though you've used it correctly (in an awkward, contrived sort of way) the fact that no one ever in the history of poetry would ever consider using it that way makes it just seem wrong, and makes YOU seem just wrong.
F*UK YOU GOAD!!! Do you think I dont know this is you?
GET A LIFE!!! GET A LIFE!
It is incorrect to say that all your critics are old and only critical because of this. Many of your critics can write like this but have chosen not to because they believe the style is not particularly valuable. Most decent poets can rhyme well and most decent poets will throw away many perfectly good rhymes because they have set their poem a structure to fulfil. This is called discipline. Now jam poetry or rap poetry or whatever you wish to call this traditionally has less discipline. If this style is to be good you must use some. Now if you were to write a poem about the criticism of goad then certain things would not naturally come up, castration for instance. The good poet would therefore look for a more suitable word. There is no use of metaphor in this poem. Now there is no law to say you need to use metaphor, but metaphor at least conveys reflection of an idea and an attempt to represent that idea in an interesting way. I would take issue with your point about Shakespeare. Although Shakespeare did to a certain extent break the rules, what he did not do was make the same mistakes that every other uneducated hack poet made in his day. Bad poets have forever made the same mistakes such as vagueness, forced rhyme and incoherence. If you make these mistakes they are not suddenly going to become revolutionary just because they are not found in published poetry. The question of punctuation and grammar is important. There is an argument that a bad critic will focus on poor grammar and use that to make conclusions about the poet and poetry as a whole. This is analgous to a poet using the metaphor of a rose to infer that all pretty things have thorns. It is unwarranted. However poor grammar and punctuation can contribute to the poet being unable to get his message across. To attack grammar for grammar's sake therefore is entirely valid. There is no advantage to a poet writing poor grammar and therefore any rectification of it is a good thing.
this is a excellent poem just great i love it
I begin to stupify. ruh. Please add me to the list of Damien haters. Thank you.
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Especially someone who's a chick, haha (sorry, I mean woman). So I don't impress a pack of old men, that's ok with me, lol. F*ck them anyway, THEY MEAN NOTHING TO ME!!!! I can tell from your poems that u had a lot of experience being misunderstood also and hey I respect that.
Wow, coming to New Yourk, that thot spins my head right around. Just walking into something like that, finding the rght people woh can see what im about...my dream...u r taking my breath away right there.
Anyway my normal way is to freestyle right onto paper what I'm thinking but this time I took more time to consider evry word. What do you think is this the right path if I truly want to shoot for that Def poetry Jam? or should I keep more with the spontaneous freessstyle?