Replying to a comment on:

f*ckyouoldmenandyourrules (Pimple) by Damien_

yo, Goad, listen up motherf*cker ima bust your ass without succor ima make your butt cheeks pucker take me for some sucker don't look for obviation of my rage with citation of some old rules for the formation of my words -- it's creation f*ck you and your castration of poetry's raw elation I'll slam you to damnation all you've got's dry explanation a boring mindless libration around a fixed point of reference... that's just dumb deference to some dead guy's ideas of what's right because he was more read than you, now he's dead so you make his achievement ground zero you forget why he's a hero 'cuz he did it all different, broke the old rules and he'd come back and call you all fools but all you can do is hassle go on and build your air castle your dreams of superiority, keep on with your delusions that your mere seniority holds off our conclusions about your inferiority think we're cheering your wit? we saw your last post, it was sure shitty how much time engineering that poor ditty lol after hearing your shit we all have some confusion how you're sustaining the illusion your skill with words is that facile I think your work's a big passle of shit, and you're my vassal you've missed the point you dumb assh*le poetry's not some theory Bohr writ, see our energy's not in boxes quantum states cuz some cock says no, we're the free radicals and these are just the first fascicles of new poetical pinnacles so f*ck off all you aristocraticals you'd best stop intruding on our work with rude sling- ing of insults, denuding some poor girl's heartfelt brooding because she missed some apostrophes they don't matter! your commentary's just chatter you don't care if the accrued sting gives her one fatal last mood swing just so you can make like you're some Sophocles if we let you somehow you'd wring all the joy from this true thing we call poetry, but now I'm disallowing so get set to march like deng xiaoping but you won't end up no president you'll just be another resident of the club for washed up oldie hacks with the rockmages and the zodiacs what you get for trying to be brainiacs well done and good luck, you has-been old f*ck.

middenHeap 19-Apr-05/3:48 PM
I'm going to give you an 8 for this. Not because it's actually worth an 8, mind you, but just because the fact that you obviously must have put actual time and effort into coming up with 5 5-syllable rhymes & a 4-syllable rhyme against inferiority/superiority is (I hope) an encouraging sign of some sort of pending revivification. Though with our luck, it's more likely a sign of pending revitrification.

speaking of "xxxxx-ation": rhyming against -ation 8 times in a row is DEFINITELY NOT to be encouraged. Please don't do that again. Even if the last one is a clever use of an obscure word. And please: get rid of "fascicles". It's a word that just ought not to exist. Even though you've used it correctly (in an awkward, contrived sort of way) the fact that no one ever in the history of poetry would ever consider using it that way makes it just seem wrong, and makes YOU seem just wrong.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001