regarding some deleted poem...	6-Feb-04/7:09 PM
This may be satire. But it's also incomprehensible. What's buried deep at the foot of the gate?
Re: Swiftly by darkshark	7-Feb-04/8:09 AM
You might consider another word for 'brook', since (here, at least) you can cross a brook in something like two steps. It makes the 'one step at a time' part a sound little overwrought. Ditto for the shallow parts where rocks poke out of the water. If there are rocks poking out then why are they 'wading'? They could just step on the rocks that are poking out. It being a brook, they wouldn't need more than two rocks, maybe. And while I'm at it, it's not exactly clear why they're risking freezing water to cross this brook anyway. It's not really a casual thing to cross a near-freezing river. You might add a one-line explanation: "Coming back to camp," or some such. On the whole, the writing is good. You need to punctuate, and in lines like the rocks that 'poke' out of the water, you might consider better more poetic words. Write back if you can't think of any. Tchuss.
Re: "In the Air" by SmittenKitten	7-Feb-04/8:21 AM
1) Not an Ode. 2) If we were ever for some reason to quote from this poem, then we would put the title in quotation marks. You don't. Quotation marks "dont" signify "emphasis", "boldface", or "italics". 2) Why don't you punctuate, or capitalize I's? Is it because it's easier? Do you think we want to read something you haven't put effort into? (also, can't is a contraction for cannot. Cant is what poetry without punctuation usually is.) 3) The way it slips into and out of rhyme is weird. Make it all not rhyme. Then you can say what you want instead of what rhymes. 4) It's cool in a Sunday youth-group folk-rock song sort of way how the "in the air" theme ends with "Lord in the skies." Not my taste, but probably somebody's. I hope you make these corrections. We get a lot of Lord-hold-my-hand poems here that are much worse.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Feb-04/11:00 AM
re: "are you volunteering?" No. It's all over the web. Plagiarism alert, by the way.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Feb-04/3:10 PM
Good. The ending was coming a mile away. I think I had it from the title. I'd change that. But I liked the writing, even the parentheses.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Feb-04/3:12 PM
"Prevent me to do?" Is that English?
Re: everything Zen by crwncka1	7-Feb-04/3:21 PM
"Everything Zen" is the title of a song by the immensely popular (in the mid-nineties) bad British rock band Bush. How could you have not known that? Do you think people often name poems after songs? And what if songwriters named their songs after other songs? There'd be no end to the confusion. Oh, and I say this to you so much that you've probably taken to disregarding me altogether, but what a giant pussball of non-punctuated too-long-lined say-nothing cliche crap this poem is! How can you have not given up after all this time?
Re: Triptych: Rural by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/9:31 PM
The first two are great, the last not so great. It jars. How about "Uncles lean on cars; some beer / takes away..."? Is that any improvement? Do you see what I'm asking?
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Feb-04/9:34 PM
Ended better than I thought it would. I mean, the title says everything, but the image of duct tape wrapped in treetops still got a raised eyebrow.
Re: First Shot by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/9:43 PM
"up field" could be "upfield" or "up-field". The word "darkens" isn't right. I feel like "nor him neither" should be "nor him either". If that's not grammatical, it sounds better to me. "pay it for the shooting"? The crow? Like a native american tradition, or just ambiguous wording - you paid with guilt for the shooting? I don't feel like the repetition of "and" in the last sentence does what you want it to, which I can clearly see you trying to do. It would be just as well, maybe, with a period after guncotton and no and before my. This is my favorite one of yours so far. You know how I love a good narrative. Bravo and tchuss.
Re: Paranoia by lastobelus	7-Feb-04/9:44 PM
What can I say? You sound pretty peppy about it anyway.
Re: Love that's not true or double-sided by fevriere	8-Feb-04/8:44 AM
There should be punctuation after hard (a comma, probably) and eyes (a dash, comma, or semicolon). You might change the comma after flies to a dash. Great.
Re: Taller Girl by lastobelus	8-Feb-04/10:05 AM
.aff.e.cta.tion. It. ta.kesa.way fro..........m good/lines%like "her skirt in segregated circles" and 'turtling' down. 7 until you improve.
Re: The Mocking Bird by Caducus	8-Feb-04/11:12 AM
Mockingbird. One word. "Violent ripples flow through her nipples" makes me laugh. Do you want more?
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Feb-04/6:55 AM
A poem cannot write themselves. Which is bad because you cannot write one yourselves. But why should we trouble myself? I'm sure it will resolve usselves. Goodbye, I'm going to hang yourself. It's too bad, too, because the poem's not bad (but not enough to save theirselves!) Come back when you've figured out the title and I might reconsider whoseself. Consider youselves lucky with a 5.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Feb-04/11:17 AM
You should get rid of the last line. It's utterly unnecessary.
Re: Lifes work by richa	10-Feb-04/11:20 AM
I don't like the repetition of again. Probably just my taste, though.
Re: Offence by Stephen Robins	10-Feb-04/11:24 AM
Is he eating cum out of his own bum? Is that possible?
Re: MIX FEELINGS by ctwilliams	13-Feb-04/9:53 AM
I don't understand what is meant by your instructions. By mixing FEELINGS I only get EEFLINGS or SNIGFLEE, neither of which inspires anything in me. And (this just in passing) are you fucking daft?!
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/10:00 AM
I love poems that have choruses labeled <chorus>. In fact, I'd prefer for all poetry to be written by people who've never read poetry on the page before and who think music is poetry, which it is certainly not. In fact, poemranker could be modified so that a MIDI of the artist's intended melody might play while we read the poem. Poets who don't provide their own MIDI files could have MIDI melodies selected at random from an archive of simple melodies according to one of nentwined's famous algorithms, often with surprising and amusing results. Or, even better, you could take your "poem" to your nearest subway station and perform it endlessly on an acoustic guitar and a battery-powered amplifier for commuters' spare change.