Re: If When We Die by lynnkyle	13-Feb-04/10:01 AM
"If when"?
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/10:03 AM
There should be periods at the ends of the stanzas. Otherwise this is great.
Re: Black Snake by Butterflywriter	13-Feb-04/10:08 AM
The word black followed by the word snake is so sexy to me. Good-B------- is one of the silliest things done in poetry ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. I imagine you performing this, accompanying yourself with a dramatic reenactment. It would be fucking hilarious.
Re: The musician by richa	13-Feb-04/10:12 AM
Of course this is great. I was told yesterday by a professor that Pound's "At a station of the Metro" is one of the most-interpreted poems ever. May this one have such a long and heavily-anthologized life.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/1:04 PM
The semicolons are all wrong. And you did the wrong 'its' in III. Other than that, it's okay. A little light for the roman numerals.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/1:24 PM
LOOK HERE, PYGMIES, time for some culture: -- You're = you are -- Your = it belongs to you; it's yours -- It's = it is -- Its = belongs to it -- Don't, won't, can't, didn't = correct contractions of 'do not', 'will not', 'cannot', and 'did not', respectively (please note the apostrophes) -- _._ = a period; even in poetry, the end of a sentence, which is a single thought, or a string of unified & coherent thoughts; in rhetoric, the longest or second-longest pause -- _:_ = a colon; even in poetry, precedes a series of equal-valued nouns or divides two equal clauses without a conjunction or, in rhetoric, the next-longest pause after a period -- _;_ = a semicolon; even in poetry, divides two clauses WITH a conjunction, something stronger than a comma -- _,_ = a comma; divides adjectives or nouns in a series, all kinds of clauses and phrases, represents a pause. In addition, 'cumulous' is actually 'cumulus', and those red (or green) squiggly lines that Microsoft puts under your (note the possessive) writing mean you've (not the contraction) done something terribly wrong with our mother tongue. And you're (note the contraction) supposed to be the saviors of English letters? For shame!!!!!!
Re: So Defined Is He! by jasondingus	17-Feb-04/8:37 AM
Rubbishy rubbish. -0-
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/8:40 AM
I don't get the "we are not in ancient Rome" line. And it needs punctuation from the previous line. And I just don't get it. You could add another line after to clear that up a little. Until then -9-
Re: Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme	17-Feb-04/8:45 AM
"lifes'" is really "life's". And the stupid stage notes are just... stupid. And I'm not really that into poems about how crazy the author is. Read Catch-22. -10- <to keep you from sabotaging my hard-earned average ranking lol ;=-)> <>
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Feb-04/4:14 PM
And yet somehow it's still the same poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Feb-04/4:28 PM
I don't know anyone who speaks in such a string of cliches as you write. I'm forced to conclude that you don't speak this way, either, if only because anyone who did speak this way would constantly be having heavy things thrown at him/her until he/she was either in a coma or otherwise prevented from posting on an internet poetry site. From this (admittedly tenuous) hypothesis, it follows that you must think there is a different kind of language used in poetry writing, which is entirely comprised of cliches, and that if you were to ever write something that wasn't entirely cliche (ie, something more like the original expressions people use in casual speech) it could not be properly termed a poem and your fragile construction of the universe with you as its central character and greatest poet would collapse around you like so many husks. But here's an idea: why not take a crack at original expression, CLS? It's not like you could get any more abused here.
Re: The Angry Bush by wilco	19-Feb-04/7:17 AM
I think the last verse is okay, but it shouldn't be the last. Switch it with the third.
regarding some deleted poem...	19-Feb-04/7:51 AM
GOOGLE CLICHE CHECK: "trying to get over you" (2,810 hits) "I'll spend the rest of my life doing the same thing" (8) "Everywhere I look I see your eyes" (603) walking toward something that gets farther away (12) "you'll never understand the pain" (322) you're so close, but I can never reach out and hold you (128) "Why can't I forget your ____" (9) + "your lovely voice" (462) "telling me it's through" (140) "I lay down my head" (716) "Your face... haunting me" (4,970) "Making... dream into... nightmare" (25) "you sleeping beside me" (66) "to live another day of emptiness" (204) "Even though I try to forget you" (193) "Why are you haunting me?" (359) "Even if it's only in my head" (87) <<<TABULATOR'S NOTE: some cliches altered slightly for variations in grammar and spelling; this check is by no means scientific>>>
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Feb-04/3:23 PM
I really liked this poem, but I thought your choice of rhymes (see dance/chance, cry/fly, etc.) was a little pop-music and forced, especially letting several phrases run over just to accomodate them. So I wrote you a little poem to show how rhyme can be original and flow a little better, even in a Christian poem. I hope you like it. Even more, I hope that since you have commented favorably on several of my poems (none of which is explicitly scatalogical) that you might give my suggestions a little more attention than you do the scatalogical poetes on the ranker. True, I was raised a Romish Papist, but through no fault of my own, and believe me when I say my heart more truly follows the protestant persuasion. So, here's the poem: >>>>ON OUR MOTHER'S THIGHS<<<< God, if you believe what's Christian, Came into Mary like a piston To beget His kid (so they say he did, And who are we if we call it fiction?) There must have been saintly light from Luna, A room that smelled (faintly, though) of tuna, And a Holy Seed (to complete the deed) In a spoonful of pearly Immaculate Spuna.
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Feb-04/1:48 PM
Maybe it was to get constructive criticism and improve? Nah... ---- "Seriously, sort out the spelling." - a comment by richa on Disabilities (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "The poem, while not a bad concept, is quite poorly written and grammatically incorrect" - comment by NanceXToo on The First Artifical Insemination (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "The rhythm is too disrupted, too many words repeated, the third verse conclusion doesn't track with the argument" - comment by richa on Just a Day (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "less telling, more showing -5-" - comment by Shuushin on Rest (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone. "I'm not sure if your misspelling is intentional or not, but saddened, beatless,radiance, and of course heart. other than that I like the visual image the poem displays, but the misspelling and punctuation seems to take it away, distracting" - comment by NoSage on Left Empty (Free verse) by nothingtoanyone.
Re: The Winturd Tale of Sir Donald Nudesby by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	23-Feb-04/8:17 AM
The best of the outhouse tales, I think (and a woman character, finally!) But when can we expect more AIDS?
Re: Mirrored Dream by Blindpoetry	23-Feb-04/8:19 AM
Mirror shmirror. To, of course, should be too.
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Feb-04/8:20 AM
<Sigh...>
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	23-Feb-04/8:29 AM
You have no command over your disobedient words. The old couples in the adjoining apartments hear them screeching all day for sugar-teats while you chain-smoke Virginia Slims 100s on your chintz-pattern couch, watch your "stories" and ignore them entirely. People like you, they mutter in the halls, have no right to words... Somebody oughta call the law on you...
regarding some deleted poem...	23-Feb-04/8:33 AM
The second and third stanzas are the hardest for me. I just don't feel the rhythm, or the period after post. I should be a comma or semicolon.