| Re: Stopping at the oak (draft) by Caducus |
13-Jan-05/5:39 AM |
1) Don't capitalise "Oak".
2) Don't put a period after it either.
3) Then don't capitalise "Laid".
4) Correctly punctuate "Nature's".
5) On second thought, don't say that at all; and don't rhyme "tomb" and "womb".
6) That reminds me: Don't rhyme "fire" and "pyre".
7) Punctuate after Frost.
8) Don't punctuate after pressed.
9) What's up with all the periods in that stanza anyway? And couldn't you have made at least one of those a full clause?
10) "You haunt me in the omen of banshees" doesn't make any sense. You'll try to explain it now. Don't. It still doesn't.
That's your limit. Do you want more?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jan-05/5:37 AM |
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Another white = perfection poem. The writing's not bad, but seriously give it a rest.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jan-05/5:56 AM |
Does anyone else think the weirdest thing about the Charlie Daniels song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" is the part that goes
Chicken's in the breadpan, picking out dough,
Granny does your dog bite? No, child, no
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| Re: Below Zero by Shardik |
15-Jan-05/5:56 AM |
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| Re: Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears |
17-Jan-05/5:41 AM |
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Can you write a rhyme without it being a total nonsequitor? I bet not. The best part was the ham bit.
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| Re: In The Beginning by Dovina |
17-Jan-05/5:42 AM |
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I'm displeased to find you're back to your old self-righteousness. You were better when you didn't have all the answers. Kind of lovable, even, like a hamster.
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| Re: Rendered Genderless by PsydewaysTears |
17-Jan-05/5:45 AM |
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PS-I was expecting to read a poem about being rendered genderless, which I've always imagined being able to do on some impermanent basis. Unless by "eat the ham" you mean something below my capacity for contemplation, this is not even close.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Jan-05/5:50 AM |
Living in a non-English-speaking country, I've become fascinated recently by what constitutes English-speakers' ideas about alien sounds. In short, "zort" is good, but "zortrellon" is an fake Italian soft-porn director.
Incidentally, most alien languages on TV sound like Arabic, which (and this is true) was devised in order to communicate with camels. I mean that.
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| Re: American Semele (Edit) by Sasha |
17-Jan-05/5:52 AM |
This would have been better if it was "American Smell".
What is the American Smell? Bacon and shag carpet.
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| Re: UFO by Dovina |
26-Jan-05/12:56 AM |
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Balls. Give me Uranus any day.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jan-05/2:45 AM |
"I will brake in to a million little pieces."
LOLTTM!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Jan-05/5:29 AM |
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Jesus Christ this is awful.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Jan-05/5:38 AM |
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| Re: Psalm of Wonder by Dovina |
31-Jan-05/5:42 AM |
I suppose whatever I say, you'll just say it works on an emotional level.
This poem does not work on an emotional level.
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| Re: Depth of Illusion by Beyond_Dreams |
31-Jan-05/5:43 AM |
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The first two lines are plagiary.
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| Re: A Thing I Must Do by Dovina |
1-Feb-05/9:56 PM |
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
I say again, this isn't bad. But questionably feminist, if that.
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| Re: My Heroes by MacFrantic |
1-Feb-05/9:58 PM |
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Were your heroes cows? Yes, they have.
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| Re: A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
1-Feb-05/10:00 PM |
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The apples took me by surprise. Don't know why.
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| Re: A Thing I Must Do by Dovina |
2-Feb-05/10:03 PM |
God, I can't risk having nentwined misplace my reply again. Who knows where it would end up this time - on Brittanyy's last post, probably.
Dovina, most feminists believe the sexes are different. Unequal, too, if you mean predisposed to different aptitudes and weaknesses which probably come out even if you can tally them all somehow and give things like petitpoint and soapopera-watching the same value as waging and winning wars and inventing aircrafts. You probably do; and I, with some qualifications, agree.
That's not the point. The point is this poem is about a woman performing nude in a male arena for a lone watching man and thinking that's liberation. It's not. It's strippers' logic. If you were really empowered, you'd keep your clothes on.
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| Re: Girly by Dovina |
4-Feb-05/3:51 AM |
I have a feeling you think you're responding to someone on this site. Who?
Have you read "A Room of One's Own"?
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