Re: Writer's Block by Bhaskaryya	28-Dec-04/3:40 AM
The point of a sestina is to use the repeated words differently every time. You don't. Suggestion: use "fingers" as a verb at least once. -NO VOTE UNTIL YOU DO- PS-Don't argue. You don't know about sestinas. I do.
Re: Betwixt and In Between by dougsoderstrom	28-Dec-04/4:33 AM
You are the most wrong person I've ever encountered. Questions: 1) Where did you get your doctorate? I looked online for a while, then I just decided to ask you. 1a) Was it one of "those" colleges? 1b) Did you just decide to call yourself "Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D."? 2) On what existing philosophical or religious tradition do you base your beliefs in both telepathy (http://tinyurl.com/3m62x) AND the phenomenon (note correct spelling) of "whemying" (http://tinyurl.com/55duc)? 3) How can a professed DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY not be cripplingly ashamed of posting something so megabuncombe as this so-called poem? 4) And anyway, "that has made all the difference" from what? How did you know? 4a) Do you think "betwixt" and "in between" have distinct meanings? What are they? 5) Did your grad school not check spelling or punctuation? 6) Can I see your dissertation? 7) Are you not colossally gay and a little inflated by your ubiquitous bumblings on cheap Episcopal websites and online op-ed pages, both of which being the kind that advertise the South Beach Diet when you open them? 7a) Did you know what "ubiquitous" meant before just now? 8) Do you think that's what real Ph.D.s do? 8a) Or websites, for that matter? 9) If I were you, I'd blender my own arm. I know this isn't a question. 10) How do you explain other poemranker users to yourself, especially that they trump your poems every time you come back despite not having Ph.D.s like you do? 10) And incidentally, how would a Ph.D. instructor in Psychology at a respectable learning institution with real classes describe the condition of coming back to poemranker after your last trumping? Make sure to use the terms "colossally gay" and "just plain sad" in your answer. (1 mark each)
Re: Betwixt and In Between by dougsoderstrom	28-Dec-04/4:42 AM
What the hell. It's just too fun. "Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D. from Wharton, Texas writes: Dear Aaron: I left the message below on your site dealing with bathroom behavior. I don't know if you would be willing to do such a thing, but, if possible, it would sure be nice if you would be willing to include a question or two "on whemying" on your survey of bathroom behavior. It is something I have been thinking a lot about for the past few years, but, as a psychologist, I cannot get anyone to take me seriously. It is a really crazy topic, but wouldn't it be wonderful to discover something brand new about human behavior! By the way I am an INTP also!!! So if you would, please take the time to e-mail me in regards to how you might be able to help me in regards to researching the phenomenon of "whemying." Please read and respond! I have developed a term for a phenomonen that I refer to as "Whemying." This phenonmonen refers to "the holding in of feces for a few minutes (from two to three minutes up to perhaps as long as a half hour or so) in order to experience the good feelings associated with fecal matter (usually referred to as "a turd") as it stimulates the nerves of the rectum and, perhaps as well, places pressure upon (in the case of males) the prostate gland." The "whemying feeling" comes and goes every few minutes as the fecal matter stimulates the nerves and leads to some really good feelings "something akin to an orgasm." I would like to know if any of you out there ever engage in such a phenomenon, or perhaps know of someone who does such a thing. If so please e-mail me at dougsod@wcjc.cc.tx.us My feeling is that children, as well as some adults, do such a thing, but never talk about it (the fact of their whemying), because it would be such a horribly embarrassing thing to admit to! I really do want to find out if people do such a thing as "whemying," so if you have any information about this, please do let me know. Thank you very much. Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D. Psychologist" Your all aces. -10-
Re: Math Poem 2 by Dovina	29-Dec-04/4:09 AM
Balls.
Re: My Wife by Dovina	29-Dec-04/10:42 PM
The sentence that begins "It's the escape I get..." is not grammatical. You have to take out the "and" to make it right. "groomed" and "trained" in the second stanza seem weird. At least, it doesn't seem obvious that she trained you to groom yourself. Also, by the time you get to "it took her years to teach", you've too many adjective clauses. It was really pretty good up to that point. Then it gets heavy-handed at the "spiritual emptiness" part. People blather on about showing or telling or whatever, but what they're really getting at a lot of the time is that it's just not likely your narrator is so self-aware. So instead he burns the dinner or forgets her name or something, to show how he's like subconsciously spiritually empty (or whatever). It would work a lot better than that whole third stanza. Actually, I'd like it better ended after the second bit. Or I could think it was really good, changed only very slightly. Out of curiosity: Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Re: Math Poem 3 by Dovina	1-Jan-05/10:20 PM
This is the best poem you've ever written. I'm serious.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-05/11:32 PM
Very richa. Sorry, richa.
Re: Attention: Superman's Coffee Break is From 1:35 to 1:37 by MacFrantic	4-Jan-05/4:46 AM
Not that great. -10-
Re: Poetic Profit by Dovina	4-Jan-05/5:43 AM
I take issue with "like a belch". That's hardly even a simile.
Re: Let God Unwrite Itself by daggatolar	8-Jan-05/6:08 AM
Bow'ls, all of you. And you're all missing one very important detail. A cookie to whomever guesses right.
Re: War Story by dougsoderstrom	8-Jan-05/6:17 AM
Do you know the Johnny Cash song "Ride On"? I think this poem strongly resembles it in that they both provoke the strongest disbelief (on my part) at the notion of either of you being closer to war than Texas. You fail. Drop and give me forty. -0-
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jan-05/3:34 AM
You are so obviously white. -Failing Marks-
Re: Existential questions by kawakurdi	10-Jan-05/4:13 AM
None of these lines are actually questions. I'd change the title. Or just insert questions marks more or less at random for a neat question-y effect. For example: Relativity is Absolute? Absolute is Relative? And Eternity is? beyond the livi?ng formative.
Re: Existential questions by kawakurdi	10-Jan-05/4:32 AM
Incidentally, the best existential question ever is: When the Lord finally lets fly that last great trump he's been whemying for 2000 million years, will we remain in possession of our ears long enough to hear it and fall to the ground under the force of its too-many-parted harmonies, or will we instantly be turned into souls, to be blown this way and that by the terrible and everlasting gusts of wind that follow?
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jan-05/11:28 PM
Haven't I suggested on one of your earlier poems that you have frighteningly little going on in your life? Please, go wander down some unlit backalley on the bad side of town. I'll lend you my prize miniskirt.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jan-05/11:40 PM
This one is not very different.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Jan-05/11:42 PM
Using the word "ploethoera" is the quickest way to identify yourself as bum. That, and using poemranker.
Re: The Poet's Plight by dougsoderstrom	11-Jan-05/1:31 AM
The Negro's Plight: The Whemying Lying here nude in a puddle of cack, Besmear'd on my hindparts, and phlegmy, Hidden from sight (for I'm terribly black), I'm a Negro and I................. whemy. My behavior, I tell you, is nothing so sinful: Children do it - and even Steve Buscemi Is known to go in for an occassional chin-full Of the feeling we call......... "the whemy". Driven from within, while its virtues I extol And you heathens and non-PhDs condemn me - Oh God! It's happening! Quick! Grab the bowl! It's....................................... THE WHEMY!!!!
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jan-05/9:59 PM
If you've ever touched peyote in your life, I'm a tumbling clod. Incidentally, 'tumbling clods' is my new term for everything on poemranker.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Jan-05/5:28 AM
Why did you capitalise "Corn", "Angels", "Singing", "Wrapped", "Cherubs", "To", and "In"? Is it because you can use these words to make a shorter, much better poem?