Re: A Midnight Call by amanda_dcosta	12-Feb-06/12:18 PM
I looked at the clock in the faint moonlight That shone Through the partly open window. It was way past twelve; I scarcely could believe I was in for hallucinations. It beckoned me in firmer tones To get down on my knees. More out of fear not obedience I gave in to its pleas. I prayed five decades of the Holy Rosary And then heard the voice again ‘There is someone out there who needs your prayers And feels My peace flow in.’ It took me a while to go to sleep Feelings of excitement and awe took hold of me. Alas, the day went by and it was almost sunset. I walked down the road and met up with an old friend. I hadn’t met her for a couple of years; And while talking I casually asked her ‘By the way, when is your birthday?’ ‘It’s today!’ she exclaimed! ‘Why do you ask?’ ‘I’ve had the most odd feeling The whole night through I felt that someone was praying for me. And I sat up and prayed a whole Rosary. All the weeks worry that burdened me Seemed to vanish instantly.’ That's your poem, I think.
Re: Panic Slide by MacFrantic	12-Feb-06/12:20 PM
Make some of these thoughts stretch across the couplets.
Re: caught amist by LaasChijld	12-Feb-06/12:49 PM
You mean "wandered". Like, "I wandered lonely as a cloud".
Re: Moonlight Paradox by Glasseyez	12-Feb-06/12:59 PM
Paradoxes are overrated. What's more, there are no real paradoxes in life, just people who are surprised when the cliches they live their lives by don't hold up. My favorite part of this is, "does why explains what?" Yes, it do.
Re: The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	12-Feb-06/1:02 PM
"So beautiful, that baffled moon Who watched my gentle hands - quiet" "Like lazy flies, a drunken waltz A crooked hem, a button gone And in the heavy candle glow I stumble" These are good.
Re: writer's block by Zoetrope	12-Feb-06/1:05 PM
Good, except this is probably the sixth poem called "Writer's Block" on this site. You're obviously not blocked, just need to focus each of these stanzas, perhaps, into a solid poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Feb-06/1:17 PM
The good Islam's always 'en vogue' With shoe bombs made of only brogues. You keep your Alberts, bushkins fine: Allah just likes the brogueish kind.
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	12-Feb-06/1:18 PM
What's with all the ...? Or is that braille?
Re: Monkey Tree (Breathless edit) by ecargo	12-Feb-06/1:19 PM
"Bower" is a bad word choice. I think this is one of the few times where wild indentation helps the poem. Good one.
Re: Going Away to Fight a War by wilco	12-Feb-06/1:21 PM
You get better and better.
Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	12-Feb-06/4:06 PM
How Dovina. Sorry I didn't comment earlier. I simply can't think of what else to say.
Re: Winter Wonderland by raven_the_poet	14-Feb-06/12:40 PM
Surely, you can think of a better title for this than one that's already the name of a famous song.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	14-Feb-06/12:42 PM
Crits can wait. I hope she liked it.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	14-Feb-06/12:49 PM
If you haven't given it yet, here are my suggestions. Except for the half rhyme you could stand to lose "in soft waters of", so do the next best thing: drop "of a cold boiling ocean". Or somehow combine the two. "beneath the driving rain" is one instance where you can drop "the". "tumbling" and "boiling" seem a little too easy and light for your cold ocean. I'd prefer edgier words. She might not. And easy way to handle punctuation AND edge would be to simply say "I tumble through swarming bubbles." I want to hear more about the air that isn't there. Is there time? It's a great hint of image/predicament/etc, anyway. "A chill so, that it burns the illusion / of fire," - ??? That's a little grammar-weird. I can see why, but... "In my bones, they know" - since it's you bones that know, it'd be best to clear that up: "My bones, they know", "In my bones, I know", "These old bones, they know" - something. That's all. And again, I think you'll get laid whatever you do with it.
Re: Escape by raven_the_poet	14-Feb-06/12:51 PM
The easiest and wrongest thing to do in poetry is end every line on a full-stop - that is, with a period or strong punctuation. Your goal needs to be to write thoughts that run through the ends of the line, and that also make the grammar close to normal instead of backwards and archaic. That's not hard to do, but it takes practice.
Re: Sonnet for Snow by ecargo	14-Feb-06/12:55 PM
Nice.
Re: Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina	14-Feb-06/12:56 PM
Wish this had a story.
Re: In response to by INTRANSIT	14-Feb-06/12:59 PM
I'm with the critiquers who said downplay the 'deer in the headlights'. Maybe just have it walk onto the road at night with you coming on. Don't say the actual words 'deer caught in my headlights', whatever adjectives you think might camoulflage them.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Feb-06/10:45 AM
Are you Meredith Grey?
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	21-Feb-06/3:07 PM
"who's" should be "whose". "that" in the first sentence should at least be "where" or "in which" for the sentence to be grammatical. "deniles" is a cheesy play on words and doesn't add meaning. I'm having some trouble getting the second verse. What's earned might not be rewarded? I'd have expected what's paid to be rewarded; what's earned is its own reward. "thier" in last stanza = "their". Nice. There's a couple of nice meanings in this.