Re: arise by daniella	4-Nov-02/2:35 PM
i love the last stanza, a familiar melancholia. You reminded me of something long forgotten, I will go and post it now.
Re: Ten solid facts about -=Dark Angel=-, by his biggest palm frond, me. by horus8	4-Nov-02/3:06 PM
Better then I ever could have imagined. More please.
Re: untitled by bluwiz	4-Nov-02/3:35 PM
Wonderful. The last stanza is as lovely an evocation of the sun as I have ever read. Please find a title for this. L4-S1, is slightly confusing to me, I assume you are speaking of distant stars, but can't quite make the connection. Is this 'she' you refer to the moon?
Re: Wandering Spirit by angel_uy	4-Nov-02/4:55 PM
Redundant and repetitive. Every line echoes every other line. I think what I'm trying to say is your poem contains a succession of monotonous recapitulations.
Re: I Love You, My Angel by mytenderrage	4-Nov-02/5:00 PM
You must be a masochist. I hate you/I love you/ I hate you/I love you. You could be a saddist. In which case touche! You have caused me incalculable nausea.
Re: Tupperware-Caskets by <{Baba^Yaga}>	4-Nov-02/5:36 PM
Your son just pissed & poo'd all over my living room floor. Joey is tending to him. In the bath with bubbles. Joey is a doll. Thanks for creating the opportunity for my son to practice being a gentle soul. He is at the moment singing blues clues and scrubbing the toddler free of stinky residue. It could save the world.
Re: the queen of carts by snacktime	4-Nov-02/11:41 PM
Very effective. I completely ignore the first stanza because I have trouble understanding it. You should either through it out or rework it.
Re: you are my concert by snacktime	4-Nov-02/11:44 PM
An easy and intelligent read.
Re: Little Girl and Mom's mistake by t_t_redhot	5-Nov-02/9:01 PM
Poetry is about rendering experience into art. Get it? The mere recounting of events does not poetry make. Look it up. Here is the inspiration, but not the transformation.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Nov-02/9:24 PM
Fucking gorgeous. 'one round stone for one soft kiss' how incredibly telling and lovely and everything life/poetry should be. A gratifying exchange. Simple.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Nov-02/9:26 PM
Oh, but please change the title.
Re: Autumn Cried by lexicon	6-Nov-02/7:16 AM
S2 L5 "renewing" sort of brings the mood to a grinding stop. Could you use a synonym? The last stanza I particularly like.
Re: everyone sucks. by kliq	6-Nov-02/7:20 AM
I love the ideas here especially S2. 'Love is warm...' is a very insightful line. last 4 lines S3 in particular need dressing up. I think you could really turn this into solid poem if you put more sentiment into it.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Nov-02/9:00 AM
Your poems seem to be from some other time.
Re: Returning by INTRANSIT	6-Nov-02/6:51 PM
Thisis possibly the best outline you've conceived so far, I agree with Tint., the capitals should go, I don't have time right now, but I'd love to go over it with you sometime. Tomorrow perhaps. I think your writing is maturing over all.
Re: Some Things by Christof	7-Nov-02/8:12 AM
Your so subtle and as you say, a side-liner, a spectator. The books she's returning as symbols of her new found domesticity, are brilliant. I love all the small details found here. I wonder what would you see, if you could scrutinize me?
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Nov-02/8:20 AM
Wonderful. the second stanzas my favorite but this is a lovely read throughout. I olky struggle with the adjective "vague" at the end. what proceeds it seems anything but. I think it might be more poignant if the adjective reflected the intensity and necessity of your search.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Nov-02/9:21 AM
Death, my very favorite. Nice job.
Re: Returning by INTRANSIT	7-Nov-02/9:28 AM
So much better, I have a serious problem with "chest pump" takes all the romance out. Sounds pornographic almost. 'stop' in the last stanza should be replaced with withdraw, or some such word.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Nov-02/9:33 AM
This is very touching, and well written.