Wandering Spirit

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Nov 2002 · 4 comments

A wondering spirit, Floats through the rain. Weary and sad, Feeling all alone With nowhere to go. No tears run down For she can not cry, She forgot how so long ago. She knows nothing but saddness Does not know how to be happy, Things once seen in color, Are now shades of gray. She hears voices calling out But they seem distant, almost non-existent. Things begin to spin A world once clear, now a blur. Her eyes are tired From looking at nothing for so long. She wants to leave But does not know how, So she wonders on In this dreary existence Never to look back.

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mean 3.56 weighted 4.28 rank 13143 views 108 View voting details →

9 votes so far. Yours would make 10.9 votes so far

4 comments

[0] god'swife 4-Nov-02/4:55 PM Reply

Redundant and repetitive. Every line echoes every other line. I think what I'm trying to say is your poem contains a succession of monotonous recapitulations.

[0] Tintagiles › god'swife 5-Nov-02/12:04 PM Reply

Let us be pithy: what you're trying to say is that it's excessively boring.

[5] Caducus 17-Apr-03/8:16 AM Reply

Almost dramatic, it reads like a thought process rather than a poem. You need to work on imagery and metaphor to make it stand out and grab the readers balls. 5

[10] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 17-Apr-03/9:50 AM Reply

This is an epic poeme of epoch-making proportions.