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the queen of carts (Free verse) by snacktime her domain encased in glass and protected
from those who might trespass
squared bubble
numb cold blue white aqua fingers
hold the fragile and rejected
cigarette butt from the bus rider who has since boarded
her lips pursed around carcinogenic warmth
held loosely by yellow half-moons overgrown by neglect
Up the ladder:
realities <from above their brilliance is short-lived>
Down the ladder:
Murder Poem 1
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: November 4, 2002 5:41 PM PST; Last modified: November 4, 2002 5:41 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4805 Comments:
[7]
horus8 @ 24.126.113.154
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4-Nov-02/9:43 PM
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Reply
another splendid thrust...here's a seven.all bad girls deserve a seven unless you're a man..than your an eight for making me need your shaft that much more. 7.
Very effective. I completely ignore the first stanza because I have trouble understanding it. You should either through it out or rework it.
it's describing the bus shelter, it's about this homeless lady that lives outside my building. i thought it wasn't too obscured but possibly it is, thanks.
I think what happened is I was trying to make the discription work for a shopping-cart, do to the title. Perhaps if you changed that, 'queen of the bus stop' not quite but something to that effect, then I'd be more prepared for the 1st image.
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