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untitled (Free verse) by bluwiz pale moon shines with borrowed fire
as the flames of sun cool in the sea
and she sits on embers
ghosts of faraway suns
long since vanquished by dark's cool fingers
and men in awe worship rocks
as they burn
burn
burn
in times and places far
Up the ladder:
Hands
Down the ladder:
The Smurf Village
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4166665
Posted: November 4, 2002 6:46 AM PST; Last modified: November 4, 2002 6:46 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.304608 Overall Rank: 3655 Comments:
[3]
poetandknowit @ 65.101.211.147
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4-Nov-02/10:42 AM
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Reply
I guess you are on the right track as far a creating an image. Unfortunately, your age is showing here. But at least it is not a whiny pimple poem.
is this about coal? are you welsh?
I think this is really good.
Wonderful. The last stanza is as lovely an evocation of the sun as I have ever read. Please find a title for this. L4-S1, is slightly confusing to me, I assume you are speaking of distant stars, but can't quite make the connection. Is this 'she' you refer to the moon?
uh oh. yeah, that was a booboo. sorry for that. 'she' is supposed to be the moon, but i suppose it makes it so confusing. i was refraining from using pronouns, but. *sigh* think i should do it over?
I can't help it. The first lines are far too redolent of Shakespeare's 'Timon of Athens' for me.
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