Poemranker [Poem: Little Girl and Mom's mistake] [by t_t

Little girl, why didn't you mom buckle you up? Why didn't she realize you were too small to go without a car seat. Did your mom see the car comming and hold you tight? Did she scream in fear? Was there time? Did you know that something was wrong? Was you scared? Did you feel safe? As the truck hit your mom's car did you feel the pain? Did you feel the windshild break as you went through? Did you stand beside you body and wonder what happened? Were the angels pretty? Did you realize that you were in heaven? Little girl, I don't know you but I am sorry for what happened. I am sorry I could not save you, but you are in a better place. Maybe others can learn from your mom's mistake. Maybe your death will help to save others.

[0] god'swife @ 209.178.178.145 | 5-Nov-02/9:01 PM | Reply

Poetry is about rendering experience into art. Get it? The mere recounting of events does not poetry make. Look it up. Here is the inspiration, but not the transformation.

[2] limonade @ 207.179.148.142 > god'swife | 5-Nov-02/9:03 PM | Reply

Exactly. You say things so much more concisely than I do.

[n/a] t_t_redhot @ 65.230.1.144 > limonade | 6-Nov-02/6:41 AM | Reply

There is many types of poems. Most of which people will not understand. I could not put everything I saw in this poem because it would become too graffic. How many people would want to hear that when I walked up to that little girl that I saw brain matter, blood comming from her ears, nose, mouth, and eyes. I tryed to let people know that what had happened was because her mom did put her in a car seat. Her life could have been saved for that reason, and to show the irony, when one person dies others learn from it and try not to make that mistake. hint the last 4 lines. I am sorry I did not put all the bloody things that I saw in this poem but maybe what one person likes, others don't.

[1] Tintagiles @ 198.164.238.92 > t_t_redhot | 6-Nov-02/6:49 AM | Reply

'There is' indeed... People are not asking for more blood here. We are asking for this to be something more than telling us what happened. This reads like a newspaper article. There is nothing interesting about it. It's very sad and all, but nothing more. as I said in a deleted comment, try writing it in nursery rhyme form. That might make it quite touching, if you did it well.