| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Nov-02/11:46 AM |
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Righteous crap. How often have you had unprotected intercourse? Plus the poem is terrible. You write yourself into a tangle of pretention. L3 S5 is by far the most concocted image ever written. Does what you write please you, satisfy you? It's like eating canned hash for dinner. Cold.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-Nov-02/11:53 AM |
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And this is an effort to what? Be funny? Gross everyone out? What? Because it certainly is not an attempt at creating poetry. Why must so many of you insist on writing boring fantasies about childish subjects? Why not go out back and build a doghouse or a garden, help the old lady down the street with something that needs doing. Anything constructive, or destructive if only it would make even the smallest difference. Everybody wants to be Monty Bloody Python minus intelligence and social comentary. Oh how I hope for something worthwhile on this site.Sigh.
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| Re: St. Germain & The Charismatically Uncomitted by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
19-Nov-02/3:30 PM |
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Hello again, can't even remember reading this before, how sad. Anyway, there are too many wonders here to single out just one but I love, I can't one or even two, the whole things tremendous. Bravo.
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| Re: The Sea by Moss |
20-Nov-02/8:11 AM |
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Perfect ending. "to tight to be clean" is obscure.
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| Re: "Why would I need to get in touch with you?" by Limness |
20-Nov-02/8:22 AM |
"that you did not think" what? I can guess but I want you to tell me in one or two words. I think that's just a personal thing. Very nice, like a piece of driftwood.
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| Re: The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul |
20-Nov-02/8:35 AM |
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Too many words, too little content.
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| Re: jane by roses are read |
20-Nov-02/8:45 AM |
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Take out the Shakespeare. the second stanza is far better than the first though it still needs work. What the hell's a clich?
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| Re: Days of November When It Never Get Light by Nicholas Jones |
20-Nov-02/8:50 AM |
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Your title has a typo. the mood never builds.
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| Re: Orange Hills (Villanelle) by Moss |
20-Nov-02/8:56 AM |
I don't like this poem but I think it qualifies. Five tercets, a final ququatrain and two rhymes.
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| Re: Now I Know by BUFFY0BSESSED |
20-Nov-02/12:07 PM |
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Happiness is result of bio-chemistry, and it's over-rated. This poem is awful.
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| Re: terra incognita by horus8 |
20-Nov-02/12:21 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Nov-02/12:23 PM |
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Please change the title and take it out of the poem. Please.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Nov-02/1:31 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Nov-02/5:30 PM |
Perfectly wonderful. My son named the dog Euripides. He's black like that.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Nov-02/8:28 PM |
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I guess this is post 'a'. You don't need them. Why Tang?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Dec-02/7:40 AM |
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I like the feel; constrained and untroubled. The last line in S1 should be revised, it lowers the score. Dileberate hair is wonderful. I have trouble getting a clear picture; I can't tell if you're waiting for the bus or riding around in it already.Can you try again? I believe this could be twice as good as it is.
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| Re: I Fell From a Dream by x311 |
1-Dec-02/7:45 AM |
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Nice outline. Can you reduce it a bit? Find a new way to say things like "What a cruel joke..." "There is so much love..." these are the facts like my eyes or my hands; can you be more distinct? More personal?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Dec-02/7:46 AM |
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Hey, this came up on random! Home again Home again, Jiggity-Jig.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Dec-02/9:13 AM |
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It's nice, but it doesn't make me feel anything. You've got two typos in S9.
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| Re: Waking Up by PawnedTidal |
1-Dec-02/9:16 AM |
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i'm hip to your lies is a great line.
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