jane

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Nov 2002 · 5 comments

she is a unique clich?? slipping sliding tiptoeing shouts she smells like silk and feels like spices i am watching her dance i am watching jane dance and there she goes again like the wind the sun the moon so high so unreal unreachable for me i am watching me dance in front of the mirror in the dressing room in macy*s and the music goes takethedaytaketheday and i sing janejanejanejane but she is not listening to me she is the sun dancing silent circles around me "but, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? it is the east, and juliet is the sun. arise, fair sun???.it is my lady, O, it is my love! o, that she knew she were!" she is a unique clich?? and i am watching her dance, just watching. ??

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5 comments

[n/a] god'swife 20-Nov-02/8:45 AM Reply

Take out the Shakespeare. the second stanza is far better than the first though it still needs work. What the hell's a clich?

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › god'swife 20-Nov-02/12:49 PM Reply

It is the result of typing 'clich[e acute accent]' into poemeranker and having it mangled up by the Cadlington nentwined's despicable scripts.

[7] Bachus 20-Nov-02/10:17 AM Reply

so.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 20-Nov-02/11:47 AM Reply

You like to watch, don't you?

[10] deleted user 20-Nov-02/3:54 PM Reply

I liked the flo of this very much, and your diction is lean and sinous and in general this poem holds much promise.

Also, good title.

Do you ahve a website?