Re: this tuesday morning by teacup	1-Dec-02/9:18 AM
Is it 'but I know' or 'because I know' Change the last line.
Re: Afraid by LovePoet	2-Dec-02/7:40 AM
Don't tell us somuch how you feel. Tellus what happened, you know, what the day was like, the color of his shoes, anything. If you show us what happened we'll know how you feel. Good Luck.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/7:46 AM
Fucking gorgeous resolution. Who is the "he' in S4? I love that stanza but am slightly confused. can you use a more discriptive pronoun? I got excited when I realized what you where doing in S5, nice.
Re: two poles are better than one by <~>	2-Dec-02/8:03 AM
The last stanza's quite simple, which I think is rare for you. Perhaps everyones expecting you to be all business, and it's casual friday. It is a bit simple, but why not? I don't know, but I think if this stanza had been penned by some other, I would like it less. maybe it's just that I never get moody like that...
Re: stung by Limness	2-Dec-02/8:07 AM
Try leaving the last line off. what do you think? If not could you tell me what it's like, to drown in him/her?
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/12:09 PM
Oh, there we go. You took the mote out, now I can see.
Re: Utah by A. Nomaly	2-Dec-02/1:31 PM
I don't know what you're talking about, but it's pretty. what's 'scatching'? Thank you for the crows. Orange glow of radiations seems to weak for this piece. Could you say something like: Radiations growing glow Like an army of tangerines Something like that. Not that. Something like it.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-02/1:37 PM
I think you mean 'cymbals' not 'symbols'. though clanging symbols is a fairly poetic image. I don't think it's what you meant though. Your poem lacks imagination.
Re: Left, Cold by Tibbs	2-Dec-02/1:55 PM
Now I'm sad. Good job. Is it 'breadth' or 'breath'? Strong ending.
Re: she said by Bill Z Bub	3-Dec-02/2:23 PM
I like this poem very much, but feel the title gives to much away. Call it "Lessons" or "A Tutorial" or just the girl's name would be nice. Leave it a suprise, it's so short, that would give it more punch and bitter-sweetness.
Re: Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT	4-Dec-02/12:45 PM
And what did he find in the other side? Everything he hoped for, or just some stupid girl wearing out her heels from kicking the bricks? She's pretty though, isn't she? Now they'll have each other to tear at.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/12:51 PM
Really lovely. A good example of how a talented writer can wring the sweetness out of anything. I had a cat once with cerebral-palsy. She couldn't walk a straight line but still managed somehow. When every the phone rang she'd jump 6 ft. into the air.
Re: nothing, as today by <~>	4-Dec-02/12:55 PM
I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. No matter. This is but a glimpse I am certain.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/12:58 PM
Zzinnikins, this reminds me of everything, everyone.
regarding some deleted poem...	4-Dec-02/3:31 PM
Could you possibly make this an episode of Telli-Tubbies? I'm having troubling following along. Though I do agree with the first 20 stanzas. Tell me oh Dark One, how do I go about protecting myself without hurting others? I always assume a covenant is established between two parties without the words ever being spoken. A sensitive girl's folly.
Re: December once again by sunfloweronfire	5-Dec-02/10:54 AM
Your poems seem to have a the black thread of hypocrisy running through them. You point out the weakness in others, which for me personally, is a big turn off. Righteous indignation is also hypocritical. Di you ever turn the magnifying glass on yourself, it burns but usually reveals more relevent and touching details.
Re: Circled Numbered Madness by rick	5-Dec-02/1:23 PM
A few too many tics, and typos. Go through with the spell check.
Re: The Dreamer by Nicholas Jones	5-Dec-02/1:27 PM
Redundant. Lacks emotional language, or better said, the emotion is lost, I can't explain. I want to believe the fear, feel it.
regarding some deleted poem...	5-Dec-02/1:37 PM
What are bugglers, do you mean buglers? The Queen be analogy is too much of a stretch; how and who exactly, is waiting to feast on your nose?
Re: The cowards way out by MakenzieNy	5-Dec-02/9:41 PM
Fuck, I am not sure it's that cowardly at all. My nephew killed himself, same as your fellow here, drugs and all. Jesus, you know, it really takes some balls. Besides that, your poem starts off very well and then kind of tapers off like a guttering wick. I would try and revise if I were you, though plainly I am not. I think if you tried replacing 'cowards way out' with something felt instead of believed you come to place so close it would hurt. Good luck.