DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

"Why would I need to get in touch with you?"

Member since 2002 · Posted 17 Nov 2002 · Edited 18 Nov 2002 · 24 comments

The weight of those words crushes me The mean in between /that you did not think/ sinks /and i bleed quietly/ It's nothing It's nothing You didn't blink

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mean 6.18 weighted 5.59 rank 2322 views 196 View voting details →

11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

24 comments

[6] -=SeTTle=- 17-Nov-02/6:21 PM Reply

POETRY IS THE "OPIATE OF THEM ASSES"

[n/a] <~> › -=SeTTle=- 17-Nov-02/6:26 PM Reply

yes, but who is the truest ass here, sirrah?

[n/a] INTRANSIT 18-Nov-02/6:04 AM Reply

probably me, after that little stunt "dynamic duo". Very accurate,L .

[n/a] Limness › INTRANSIT 18-Nov-02/6:09 AM Reply

i asked someone for their number; see title for their response. at least you can proudly say you earned a slam.

write what you see. forget about what others will think. so sayeth z.

[6] poetandknowit › INTRANSIT 19-Nov-02/6:51 PM Reply

Please do not flatter yourself.

[8] god'swife 18-Nov-02/1:45 PM Reply

Too anorexic. I think 'The weight of those words" would add some much needed direction. Also try title in qoutes. What do you think?

[n/a] Limness › god'swife 18-Nov-02/1:57 PM Reply

better? it's so fucking close to home i can't see it, so i appreciate the help.

[n/a] INTRANSIT 18-Nov-02/2:46 PM Reply

The change is an improvement. I would drop one "nothing". Or, last line : Did not blink. I dunno, scribble it on paper first.

[n/a] Limness › INTRANSIT 18-Nov-02/5:12 PM Reply

thanks. my reasoning? i like the two "nothing"s because it's more self-effacing that way--as my "i" is lowercase, and his is uppercase. and i'm keeping "didn't" instead of "did not" because his attitude towards me was so flip, so casual.

[8] horus8 18-Nov-02/2:53 PM Reply

now that's entertainment. 8.

[6] Frass 18-Nov-02/9:10 PM Reply

I like "The mean in between".

[10] ecargo 19-Nov-02/7:02 AM Reply

Wow. And ouch. This is terrific. I love its spareness and immediacy; also, the internal rhyming and the double meaning of "mean." Agree with you re: doubling "it's nothing"--a person, reacting, would surely have said it twice, dazed.

Was this originally "the weight of your words"? I think I'd prefer the "your"--"those" seems too removed.

Have a 10 for your pains.

[n/a] <~> › ecargo 19-Nov-02/7:04 AM Reply

i'm going to side with mrs.g on this. using "those" and referring to the words pushes the speaker waaay back--very stunned. makes a 'thing' of the words themselves, giving them the power they have had to sting. see it?

[10] ecargo › <~> 19-Nov-02/7:13 AM Reply

Yeah--it makes of them something untouchable (<i>those words</i>)--but I'm all for assigning responsibility. ;)

[6] poetandknowit 19-Nov-02/6:54 PM Reply

Why do you have the //// in there? Why not. >>>> or <<<< or ^^^^^ or }}}} or [[[[ or |||||||? What to they add to this here poem? And when are you going to write another triangle? Should I post the response you should have said to him as a poem. Maybe titled: If Z was in here right mind this is what she should have said to the furnace fixer?

[n/a] <~> › poetandknowit 19-Nov-02/10:17 PM Reply

yes. but make it a triangle. please.

[6] poetandknowit › <~> 19-Nov-02/10:20 PM Reply

Are you drunk and at the barn?

[n/a] <~> › poetandknowit 19-Nov-02/10:39 PM Reply

fuck you.

[6] poetandknowit › <~> 19-Nov-02/10:54 PM Reply

comment deleter (new word).

[n/a] <~> › poetandknowit 19-Nov-02/10:56 PM Reply

that's a phrase. a label. and true.

publish the furnace-builder. it'll make me smile in the morning.

[8] god'swife 20-Nov-02/8:22 AM Reply

"that you did not think" what? I can guess but I want you to tell me in one or two words. I think that's just a personal thing. Very nice, like a piece of driftwood.

[n/a] <~> › god'swife 20-Nov-02/8:26 AM Reply

the action of not thinking and saying. that he did not think when the words came out; that he did not thik what they would mean, what they did mean. also, it's like a physical blow, set apart like that--because i expected him to think, to care, to not be such a tool.

[9] UnityMitford 20-Nov-02/8:44 AM Reply

i give this one two swastikas up! lovely work. 9

[6] -=SeTTle=- 23-Nov-02/11:28 PM Reply

why not...write a poem about it?