Replying to a comment on:

"Why would I need to get in touch with you?" (Free verse) by Limness

The weight of those words crushes me The mean in between /that you did not think/ sinks /and i bleed quietly/ It's nothing It's nothing You didn't blink

ecargo 19-Nov-02/7:02 AM
Wow. And ouch. This is terrific. I love its spareness and immediacy; also, the internal rhyming and the double meaning of "mean." Agree with you re: doubling "it's nothing"--a person, reacting, would surely have said it twice, dazed.

Was this originally "the weight of your words"? I think I'd prefer the "your"--"those" seems too removed.

Have a 10 for your pains.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001