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The Canvassers (Free verse) by Nicholas Jones By streets where people live in council sprawl
The doors go on forever and so did we,
We argued out our case in public halls:
'We must convince the people to be free!'
We thought of metaphysical concrete dreams
And hoped for days when solid things would die
We went out to the wilderness, it seemed -
And knew the only option was to lie:
We had to propogate a sense of hope
And demonstrate to what it might just lead
Our ideology is not a joke
But our campaign has many, varied needs:
Our opponents spend their millions to buy trust,
While all that we can say is 'Vote For Us'.
Up the ladder:
Devotion
Down the ladder:
"Why would I need to get in touch with you?"
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.181818
Posted: October 23, 2002 1:17 AM PDT; Last modified: October 23, 2002 1:17 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.590909 Overall Rank: 2323 Comments:
[7]
Christof @ 195.172.133.226
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23-Oct-02/1:30 AM
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Reply
I like the sense of compromise that comes over in this. I wonder if it should be 'On streets' not 'By streets' - do you say that doors are 'by' streets? Dunno. I'm a pedant. I like the 'metaphysical concrete dreams'.
[n/a]
Nicholas Jones @ 137.44.1.200
> Christof
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23-Oct-02/1:33 AM
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Reply
I quite like the idea of doors being by streets, but it probably should be on. By seems a better word to start a poem with, even if it doesn't quite make sense.
I can't speak as intelligently as Christof yet,but I am impressed. I will be referring to this piece for my own improvements. thanks.9
It's a bit stiff, but I'm feeling your vibe and I vote yes
i think this is definetly a winner Nick. the last stanza could of had a bit more hope? awareness is more than half of the bottle.
Thank you for reading my poem on Boxing Day. I hope you had a very merry Christmas. As regards hope, it's not really my thing. The poem is about the attempt to fabricate hope, and the failure to do so, and so it's not really a hopeful poem at all. It's all very political. The line 'our ideology is not a joke' always seemed very clumsy to me (it's hard to read with the correct rhythm) but absolutely vital - this is about people who believe in what they do, but realise it's very, very hard.
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