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Devotion (Haiku) by Tyriana Kneeling over him,
his torn-out heart in my hands.
Love's a sacrifice.
Up the ladder:
RunOnSentence
Down the ladder:
The Canvassers
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.181818
Posted: October 15, 2002 1:46 PM PDT; Last modified: October 15, 2002 1:46 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.590909 Overall Rank: 2322 Comments:
[n/a]
razorgrin @ 192.197.141.78
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15-Oct-02/2:18 PM
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Reply
um, riiiight.
[9]
Tintagiles @ 142.166.125.20
> razorgrin
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15-Oct-02/5:25 PM
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Reply
Why razorgrin darlink, one would expect you to like something like this.
Hmmm. Not bad, although it's already been done several thousand times before. This would be far better if more emotion was evoked - not easy, but that's what makes a great haiku. Have a 4.
thanks, tabasco. It's religious, not romantic.what do you want, kissy-face slush? The devotion is for Tlaloc or Tezcatlipoca, not a boy. Have a finger.
can i have a finger as well?
If you're a good boy.
hurrah i'm always good, very good. Now brace yerself
That's what I like - mature, educated responses to constructive criticism.
How would anyone get from this haiku that it's about a god? I think you have to expect people to read their own interpretations into this and not get annoyed if they do.
Granted, it's a little obscure. I myself like the idea of using inter-human love as a metaphor for religious devotion. The Aztec faith isn't exactly common anymore, so I do understand the fact that it's not that easy to make the connection. As for tabasco, I only responded rudely to a rude and uninformed comment.
Erm....I fail to see how my earlier comment could possibly be constued as rude?
And I stick by my comments. Like it or lump it. Having said that, looking at my own ratings it appears that you've chosen to lump it....
Pity about the dissapearance of that faith, really. It had its points.
Hey what happened? I left you a comment @ 45 min. ago.
And I'm the lamb.
exactly.
very nice, haven't seen many great haikus lately >10 :)
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