| Re: Amputee by INTRANSIT |
13-Feb-03/11:00 PM |
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| Re: Household Sex Agents (tooles) by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
13-Feb-03/11:03 PM |
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It's Gardener. Some if these are hysterica,l especially the first.
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| Re: The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer |
13-Feb-03/11:40 PM |
You are a writer no doubt. Stupid boy, believing you could change even one thing. They will laugh at you, naive and idealistic. This is not so much a man's world, as a cynic's. Good dear boy, speak, and I shall listen. There are many things expressed here which are beyond the comprehension of fools. Pay no attention to the half-wits. Speak your speak. Bang your fists against the keys, I'm listening.
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| Re: Death Of Day ( re-edit) by Mr Pig |
17-Feb-03/11:09 PM |
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Very good, but the tense is mixed up. It's either 'comes' or 'Sun bled........silver assasin appeared".
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| Re: shotgun: taps in december by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
20-Feb-03/1:09 AM |
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Sorry I missed this. Very fine. Some tiny edits, I'll let you know. But otherwise an insightful tale.
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| Re: Death Of Day ( re-edit) by Mr Pig |
20-Feb-03/1:19 AM |
Change the tense of the last line. Somehow "appears" works for this. Some new pressent beginning.Death of day, and then a moon right now.
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| Re: Skin Milk by Fear of Garbage |
20-Feb-03/8:04 AM |
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Fascinating. Awkward. "You are not you" doesn't make sense here and detracts from what you're saying. it would seem he is what he is, and you have discribed it. I like the sort of dumb way this is written. Even the illiterate have insights. Can you find something more interesting for 'well-muscled'?
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| Re: INDECENCY by TanHand |
20-Feb-03/8:15 AM |
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Ends badly. Like the cake, you have stained a well crafted thing. I love L2,S2, though I'm sure I'm not interpreting it the way you meant. I would end this poem at "ALL MY DANCING..."
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| Re: Horus8 Vs. Book Learning by TanHand |
20-Feb-03/8:24 AM |
Great satire, brilliant lines S2. If you were trying to make fun, you failed. You just gave his craft that much more thrust. reving engines, power drive.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Feb-03/8:39 AM |
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The last stanza is accurate and frightening. "lies limp as broken veins" was such a hard image to try and grasp, it distracted me too much. Place the last stanza first and then re-write.
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| Re: Crucifixion by Mr Pig |
20-Feb-03/2:49 PM |
Hmmm, it was the jews who laughed, the romans were completely uninterested. I prefer blood to wine, though the tie in with supper is a good one. The title invokes a different scene. Right a haiku about the action in the title, keep this one and give it a different title. Judas is one of my favorite characters in this myth. Keep exploring him. Have you seen The Last Temptation of Christ?
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| Re: Resurrection (for Gods Wife) by Mr Pig |
20-Feb-03/2:56 PM |
The forty nights were spent in the desert months before the resurrection. Again the title doesn't jive for me. I think the haiku works very well intil the last line. Too preachy. Tell me something nuetral at the end, to give the blood more power.
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| Re: Revelation ( 666 ) by Mr Pig |
20-Feb-03/3:01 PM |
WOW. This is great. I love it. Must have a better title. "Revelation" or pick up the damn book and take a look at that last chapter, just flip the pages, a title might just pop out at you.
How would you feel about taking out 'the'in L2? It would bring the count short by one, but it would make up for it in content. What do you think?
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| Re: Crucifixion by Mr Pig |
20-Feb-03/3:05 PM |
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I love the last line. I can picture it, you know the look on his face as he's trying to swallow. Wonderful.
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| Re: THE POEMRANKER SEXCHART VERSION 1.2 FINAL by TanHand |
21-Feb-03/10:57 PM |
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Quite flattering, and astounding. How you young darlings manage incest so instictively, and everyone makes us believe it's evil. God bless Jacko for sleeping close to the kiddies, and God bless Settle for his abnormal brilliant warp.
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| Re: The Voice of the Night (dedicated to Mr. PIG) by Sylvia Bravo |
22-Feb-03/2:37 PM |
You should write a poem about a woman who is such a psycho telephone stalker, people have to change their home phone numbers to avoid the bitch. Never mind, you'd do a crappy job because you're a terrible writer, and an even worse human being.
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| Re: Reply To the 9,000 Poets Against War. by Blue Magpie |
22-Feb-03/11:58 PM |
A precious poem. Oh, how needing I am of the contrary point of view. This is a great poem, especially when spoken aloud. The last couplet's a true killer. I think you are under appreciated, congratulations, the world knows nothing of its greatest men.
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| Re: Ad patres el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
23-Feb-03/12:56 AM |
"Dusking" and "same sky" you have crossed the thresh-hold, my favorite poem of yours.
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| Re: Omerta el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
23-Feb-03/1:35 AM |
Blood on the tracks. I swear, you're on to something. Find find find.
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| Re: THE FATHER by w~* ATHENA *~w |
23-Feb-03/1:40 AM |
fix the end, otherwise perfect. Less is more, more is more. I'm a whore.
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