Re: Leaving me Lost by JoeDiamond252	17-Jun-03/6:43 PM
keep the first line. burn the rest.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Jun-03/6:47 PM
What a piece of crap. Rape my shine is the only only original meaningful thing I've seen so far in your sad parade. Add to the gun at your temples. Concentrate on ONE poem.
Re: Good Bye by JoeDiamond252	17-Jun-03/6:54 PM
Rebecca pressed a steel barrel to my temple cocked the gun with her fist. Raped my shine. Even the mighty sun, someday will Be murdered By the dark. There's your poem kiddo. The rest is trash. Think, boy. I would have given this a three, maybe, but you dropped to new levels at the pitiful end.
Re: An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz	17-Jun-03/7:01 PM
Hurrah hurrah!!! No forced feeling, no pointless meandering, just the funny ugly poignant facts. God bless you.
Re: The Contract (2nd draft) by scitz	17-Jun-03/7:16 PM
Ok, well the first 4 lines show some promise, but then your lack of gravity makes people sink? What fucking universe are you from? Yuo lose it after that. It's all blah blah blee blee blue. Love is a blemish that blows you of course? And what's up with this WE business? It's you brother, you're going stagnantly on about. Lines 15 & 16 are the epitome of stupidity.
Re: A meeting at Maverick, then dinner. by <{Baba^Yaga}>	18-Jun-03/12:12 PM
Ahhhh! the asterick, the bloody asterick! Nets and cloves and family, oh my. Nets and cloves and family, oh my! Get ride of the bye byes and the parentheticals.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Jun-03/12:14 PM
What an ass-hat.
Re: Pistolero by Wulf	18-Jun-03/9:09 PM
Clearing leather? What's that? The last line in S1 is muddled, last of S2 also, it's the sentence structure, it's confusing. I love the title, what a beautiful word.
regarding some deleted poem...	20-Jun-03/12:29 PM
Do you have any idea what an anarchist truly is? Tell me about your life, your anarchy? Do they teach Molotov Cocktail 101 at your school? Who's your favorite anarchist? Also the poem is childish. It's a baby poem.
Re: Operation Candy Apple Tango by thepinkbunnyofdoom	22-Jun-03/9:07 PM
Keep lines 1-10. Go directly to line 20, leaving out 'so' at the beginning of the line. Go directly to 'it's killing him' That's a fairly good poem. Can't you see all the other lines sound like a telephone conversation between to imbeciles? No one, and I mean no one, is ever going to be interested in reading those kind of un-important conventionalisms. IT'S BORING, a huge waste of time and will turn off your audience. It's like meeting this really interesting looking guy and then you walk over to him and he opens his mouth and turns out to be a milk-toast whiner self-involved bore. Tedium. That's what I'm talking about, TEE DEE EM. Strip the poem of it, This is the only thing I've seen of any worth from anyone besides the usual suspects. Come back witht he revision and then you can work on turning this into one basic good poem.
Re: MotherF*ckers Who Fuck Above/Two Story Apartment by JoyLuck	26-Jun-03/10:17 AM
You are briliant, dealing out these dada postcards. I truly love them.
Re: Pilgrimage by Christof	1-Jul-03/12:21 AM
Great cadence. I've missed you You end to quickly, as richa said, you shut down before it's really begun.
Re: the godself within by crwncka1	8-Jul-03/4:00 PM
masturbatic
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-03/4:54 PM
Peee-you. Your poem not only stinks, but your obvious longing and frustration reeks of the icky sweet vapors of 14 teen year old mal-adjusted girls buried in the basement. Your a pre-mature ejaculator aren't you? Be honest.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Jul-03/5:04 PM
Why so grumpy? Did she laugh at your flimsy cock? Or was it when you came before she even finishsed getting undressed. There, there, you poor little serial killer, don't cry, let your mommy make it all better. What's that you say? It was mommy who use to suck on your boyish wanker every night after everyone else had fallen asleep? is that your dirty little secret? Or was it dear old Dad dressed in moms pumps and Jones of NewYork slip dress? Oh that terrible bourbon breath, and the lipstick all smudged on his five o'clock shadow when he came up for air.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Jul-03/6:27 AM
Another internet rat-ling who thinks writing is kewl.
Re: Death In The Cherry Brook Nursing Home by scitz	15-Jul-03/9:52 AM
Life is for the living, and when you're old a comfy chair is worth the loss of a few principles. Nice flow, succinct.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-03/9:58 AM
Terrific. Simpler than your usual fare, but your rhyme & rythmn are spot on and some of the images still have the drama and intelligence I expect from you: "Smoke from the trees" "...buffers..." Your a pro.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Jul-03/10:03 AM
A black man's knob is seldom dissappointing.
Re: My Goddess... by loneshadow29	15-Jul-03/10:09 AM
the first three lines are very good.