Re: thought & memory by Bill Z Bub	15-Jul-03/10:15 AM
I have a problem with 'infinitesimal'. Otherwise perfect, especially the last stanza.
Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub	15-Jul-03/10:22 AM
I have a problem with 'that' in the 3rd-to-last line. Could it be "will" or perhaps just move straight to slowly?
Re: SILENT ECHOES by Tahlia	15-Jul-03/10:26 AM
Don't like the ... after own; mis-leading. Edit out 'my universe'.
Re: Optimism, pessimism and my quarter theory by INTRANSIT	15-Jul-03/10:30 AM
There's an abrupt change between truck and car at the end, it disturbs this otherwise excellent poem.
Re: Your Heart is my Heaven by Free2Rhyme15	22-Jul-03/3:21 PM
Sweet dear child, this poem of yours, what can I possibly say? Despite her obvious faults she is a true real beauty. "She pasted away" here you have stumpled onto the genius of words. Good for you, she needs an edit, the way a lovely girl could use a good haircut and a decent pair of shoes.
Re: Yellow Star by Mr Pig	22-Jul-03/3:29 PM
Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, you overwhelm Like a waltz with too much structure, you send me spinning round the room. Less is sometimes more. But still I love you so I hate to upset this unique cart.
Re: Yellow Star by Mr Pig	22-Jul-03/3:35 PM
Listen, If any mother's child dies It does not matter how. Wicked is wicked anyway you slice it. Let us say my boy Yes my sweet boy Cancer maybe? Or prejudice?
Re: Choices by INTRANSIT	27-Jul-03/11:26 AM
It should read "bruisies"(justkidding)get rid of 'and' at the end of L3.
Re: Death on my arm by INTRANSIT	27-Jul-03/11:27 AM
Nice
Re: Memoirs II by http://mulberryfairy	27-Jul-03/11:29 AM
You have an eye for what matters, now can you possibly make these lines sing? Too prosy, too conversational.
regarding some deleted poem...	27-Jul-03/11:36 AM
You lose your rythmn in the last two stanzas, also bringing up the word rape is unneccessary and detracts from the sweetness of the piece. Leave it out, we all know what your capable of, and your saying it never entered your mind and mentioning it is a huge contradication. It had to have entered your mind even in the form of thinking you could never do such a thing. The poem relies on it, even for the audience, it enters our minds the minute we understand she's passed out.
Re: Ode to a Pizza Hut Roach by http://mulberryfairy	27-Jul-03/12:02 PM
Oh, so you know which lives are worth saving and which aren't? Interesting. This isn't poetry, it's a manifesto. I think short story or any prose form is more your style.
Re: Taurus women and the pride by Shardik	29-Jul-03/2:14 PM
Touche, mon ami, mon frere. '... find that tether between men and my wild stance' ' I roar for your warm blood' ' covering your death face...' very good, excellent. Last Stanza I love, especially as an ending. Good structure. What's " 'ntil " I've never seen that before?
Re: Sonnet for a Suicide by <~>	29-Jul-03/2:28 PM
You can write anything. I say we send our resumes to Madison Ave.
Re: Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8	30-Jul-03/8:23 AM
Great poem, love the personification of faith, and the hand towels. You're a genius when you wanna, a poet always. Kisses.
Re: Too obvious by INTRANSIT	30-Jul-03/8:40 AM
Very funny. "Plight" doesn't belong somehow, but the end makes up for it. I LOL, really I did.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jul-03/11:50 AM
If no one understands then how is it you can write this... I dunno, "poem", I guess? Also butterflies are beautiful on the outside. Maybe write about geodes, no that's stupid too, come-up with some new analogies, pleeeaaase!(I'm one to talk, I'm all goo-goo-eyed at the moment and can't invent anything substansial)
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jul-03/3:30 PM
Can I fuck myself even if I like what you're saying? I've gotten pretty good at fucking myself, but wait I don't like what you're saying so I guess the point is moot. seriously, don't take it personally, it's the poems we're talking about here not you. If I remember correctly you submitted that thing about beauty, right? I didn't read the other comments, so I don't know what they wrote, but I was trying to be constructive, and I think I can presume they were also. Most of what I write is honest, even if it is biting, just like all the rest, I'm trying to have a good time and just writing for the sake of hitting the little keys and hearing that lovely clacking sound. It's an exercise it what I love most int he world(If you don't count fucking myself)Remember, some here have mad skills and just go off because they're so damn good at it. Buy the book, A Sense of Humor For Dummies it will cost you 20 smackers, but it's worth it.
Re: Vichyssoise, then murder by horus8	30-Jul-03/3:51 PM
Sorry, I just don't get it, it's to clever for me and I have these stupid love-blinders on and they won't come off. Last three lines 1st stanza and game show eyes-8
Re: Seeing Clearly in the Dark by Jimbo	30-Jul-03/4:07 PM
Sappy is as Sappy does