Re: a comment on Ellis Evans: Rhyfel- War by Sasha	10-Jul-04/6:53 AM
quite a handy skill, that.
Re: a comment on The Ladies and the Bum by Dovina	10-Jul-04/6:19 AM
Unbelievable.
Re: The Ladies and the Bum by Dovina	10-Jul-04/6:15 AM
try: "(I usually spend the night there)" "but strong to pull up her" is awkward, D. Is the lawn powerful enought to earn a capital? "if she leaves it unsecured" can go. Interesting stacato cadence - intentional?
Re: a comment on The circle of life by sanity	10-Jul-04/6:10 AM
or like when it expands in size to include our orbit?? huh, what then???
Re: Ze invsible limerick by DR Limerick	10-Jul-04/6:06 AM
Cute idea. Let me try an invisible comment:
Re: Ellis Evans: Rhyfel- War by Sasha	10-Jul-04/6:05 AM
what's the Welsh look like?
Re: Johnny Depp by Rilke4ClosetLesbians	10-Jul-04/6:02 AM
Once I got past your name I could almost read the poem objectively. "a picture" can go, along with the hips allusion. The ending seems a little too abrupt - or trite. Interested to see the rewrite.
Re: A Child Once More by Quarton	10-Jul-04/5:58 AM
The rhymes kill this thing, Quarton, and its such a universal thought that's been captured in quotes and one-liners that to describe it this way - even though you've got some good word choices - is an uphill battle. More like a brick-wall battle.
Re: First Love by pinay_miss_azn	10-Jul-04/5:54 AM
This AA BB CC is *very* tough to pull off. Same for the night club act ending.
Re: Love and Time ( sad... ) by pinay_miss_azn	10-Jul-04/5:51 AM
yep. That's sad. Two suggestions and it will increase the impact: - shorten it by leagues - use the linebreaks to your advantage, otherwise leave them where a normal speaker would put them Basically, the event itself is the main force - its up to you as a poet to take this event and convey it to the reader with power and impression. Not that you haven't done that to a certain extent - there's room, through reduction, for growth here.
Re: Sugared petrol isn't sweet if your ass is black & blue. by Y2kSlamPoet	10-Jul-04/5:39 AM
Its a good story, kept me reading even if I had a shameful egoist moment of "prose on a poetry site... grrrr". But its a sweet one. btw, the fix for sugar in the gas tank is a simple one. Involves simply replacing the fuel system. that last paragraph, in particular, would make a good poem; it has the crux of the thing - that this tough man would become tender at the though of dissapointing his dad.
Re: The chance is lost inside all of my tears by Prince of Void	10-Jul-04/5:33 AM
this expression, "to plant one's fancy" - is this a euphamism for something...? this phrase "passion to dance like butterfly on " sounds very "English as a second language" - intention? This would make 5 or 6 very nice poems (if taken with something lighter in between sittings), but as it is - its a bit tedious, imho. Maybe too effective at evoking defeat.
Re: Distance by wilco	10-Jul-04/5:29 AM
2 out of three aint bad - good stuff wilco. Either of the last two stanza could be full blown poems with all the trimmings if you wanted.
Re: Dylan's Odyssey. by Don-Quixote	10-Jul-04/5:27 AM
couple few interesting words in there. Brainsky Monitory would make a nice ditty I think[sky].
Re: a comment on Distance by wilco	8-Jul-04/5:47 PM
I've heard those before - old hat.
Re: a comment on A Piñon Limb by Dovina	8-Jul-04/11:12 AM
Evil contraptions. (You were supposed to ask me what a porcelain henway was....)
Re: a comment on A Piñon Limb by Dovina	8-Jul-04/10:32 AM
What's a paradelle satirist??
Re: Bankruptcy (2) by INTRANSIT	7-Jul-04/5:15 PM
feels firm - the rhyme closes it well.
Re: a comment on A Piñon Limb by Dovina	7-Jul-04/1:51 PM
is that like a porcelain henway?
Re: A Piñon Limb by Dovina	7-Jul-04/10:52 AM
Not too shabby at all, nope, not at all. Because of the length I feel okay picking on a line, this one :"Where winter rains paint frozen needles," needs a meter tweek I think. But really, it doesn't hurt the thing much - well done.