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Love and Time ( sad... ) (Free verse) by pinay_miss_azn
If I could turn back time
I'd go back to the place
we first started our journey
on the day we first met.
It is also the place
our journey ended...
On the day I would last
lay my eyes on you again...
The day I would last
brush my lips against yours...
The day I would last feel your
fingers entwined with mine...
The day I would last hear your
sweet and soft voice with my ears...
The day I would last see your smile
that took my breath away...
For that day was the day you
were taken from me...by a long
kept away secret...it was leukemia...
I would give anything
to be anywhere with you
instead of standing here
in the pouring rain...
In the place your body now lies...
in a casket...beneath the earth...
How I wish it were all just a bad dream...
A dream that I would soon awaken from and
look to my side to find your peaceful
sleeping face...But it's not a dream...
I woke up this morning to find your angelic
face on the pillow next to mine...gone...
All that is there is a pillow on the empty
side of the bed. Everything is so different...
now that you're gone...because I've gotten so
used to seeing your sweet morning smile the
moment I wake up for so many years that all I
can do now is weep and reminisce about all the
times you were here...by my side...times that
I will forever cherish in my broken heart...
But now...I am here...raindrops mixed with
tears trickling down my face...A rose in my
hand...I slowly bend down and carefully lay
the delicate rose on your grave...I turn around..
I shut my eyes...once again, wishing it were
all just a bad dream. I open them again...it's
still raining...I'm still standing here...
" and you're still gone...", I whispered out loud...
Suddenly, a soft wind rushed passed me...
A soft tired smile crept upon my face as I
looked back at your grave...Then I whispered,
" I guess I'll see you in heaven... "
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9099
Posted: July 8, 2004 3:21 PM PDT; Last modified: July 8, 2004 3:21 PM PDT
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Comments:
154 view(s)
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Two suggestions and it will increase the impact:
- shorten it by leagues
- use the linebreaks to your advantage, otherwise leave them where a normal speaker would put them
Basically, the event itself is the main force - its up to you as a poet to take this event and convey it to the reader with power and impression. Not that you haven't done that to a certain extent - there's room, through reduction, for growth here.