Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Bullet Heaven (Free verse) by MacFrantic
I've come to deliver this loaded gun to the resident of one o one. He asked me if I'd felt the bliss of a mortal lover's dying kiss. "No," was surely my puzzled answer. "I," he said "have loved a dancer with bright green eyes and hair of red, but now her slender pose is dead." To me he wrote, all flecked with tears, a series of letters to pass the years. His heart was torn from out his chest. He knew but naught to love one best. I tried and tired to quell his pain but back he would lament again. So, as you see, I must be through. If a bullet was your heaven you would want a gun too.

Up the ladder: The whole story
Down the ladder: Jay

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9095
Posted: January 11, 2007 1:38 AM PST; Last modified: January 11, 2007 1:43 AM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 | 11-Jan-07/11:44 AM | Reply
Rhythm is pretty constant until the last 3 lines, rhyme too. Why quit now?
[4] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 12-Jan-07/7:29 PM | Reply
I've seen some good stuff you've written. THis is not one of 'em. You know how to write..you're better than this.
138 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001