on SupremeDreamer by King Abdullah I
8 Oct 2003, 8:41 AM
well, it rhymes, so ...
on RHYMEZONE.COM by King Abdullah II
8 Oct 2003, 8:39 AM
Dat's berry chute.
You can only post three poems a week here and you post this. Holy Christ. I mean, you stole half the thing from rhymezone.com - prolly got the other half from dictionary.com.
At least come up with 3 more stanzas and make it a real poem.
You can only post three poems a week here and you post this. Holy Christ. I mean, you stole half the thing from rhymezone.com - prolly got the other half from dictionary.com.
At least come up with 3 more stanzas and make it a real poem.
on Unrequited by DevilTmptrss
7 Oct 2003, 6:43 PM
I has a very sweet cadence, one that rings true; a lovely flow.
There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture.
It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture.
It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
on The Wrath of Dan Ackroyd by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
7 Oct 2003, 1:53 PM
Hey - what kind of sonnet is this? You is funnin' me, right?? Is this why you are called "mysterious"?
Teach me something.
Teach me something.
Kew Gardens, New York?
I'm stuck by "Phillips stick-sole" - is that a type of rubber sole, like Vibram? As an aside, I was watching "Enterprise", and as the aliens climbed the ladder I could see the bottoms of their boots and that orange oval "Vibrams"; oops.
Only a couple of the rhymes seemed forced (first felt it with "shutters", "boggies" a bit too). I bet you could firm up the last quatrain.
At any rate, it is a very fun one. How on earth did you come up with it? I mean, "shoe hole" isn't exactly a common idea.
I'm stuck by "Phillips stick-sole" - is that a type of rubber sole, like Vibram? As an aside, I was watching "Enterprise", and as the aliens climbed the ladder I could see the bottoms of their boots and that orange oval "Vibrams"; oops.
Only a couple of the rhymes seemed forced (first felt it with "shutters", "boggies" a bit too). I bet you could firm up the last quatrain.
At any rate, it is a very fun one. How on earth did you come up with it? I mean, "shoe hole" isn't exactly a common idea.
on Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote
7 Oct 2003, 12:00 PM
It's a Vilanelle alright - Poe would like it; i likes it.
Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!
Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!
on Primal Reality by peaceseeker
7 Oct 2003, 10:11 AM
I read the
whole
thing and as
I neared the end I
began to panic,
because I could
feel my time
to make some sense
of it all
running out.
It does however, have some engaging language in the flashback about the garden - that's a nice snapshot.
whole
thing and as
I neared the end I
began to panic,
because I could
feel my time
to make some sense
of it all
running out.
It does however, have some engaging language in the flashback about the garden - that's a nice snapshot.
on Why You All Suck by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
7 Oct 2003, 8:37 AM
excuse me, but it should be "...[aint] got [no] arms."
It's actually a good start to something (I can think of many more reasons why you/we all suck). And, well, it kinda rhymes - so it must be good.
It's actually a good start to something (I can think of many more reasons why you/we all suck). And, well, it kinda rhymes - so it must be good.
on Orchidess by abecedarian
6 Oct 2003, 7:39 PM
Well, that was interesting - what is this show rated!! I don't think I've ever read an orchid sex poem like it.
Wait, I've never read an orchid sex poem.
what is "Watch we" - I posted a poem earlier about nanotech, and thought I might have focused on a relatively small group of folks who would "get it" - I'm pretty sure this would elicit a similar response.
Hey - ya can't save em all!
Wait, I've never read an orchid sex poem.
what is "Watch we" - I posted a poem earlier about nanotech, and thought I might have focused on a relatively small group of folks who would "get it" - I'm pretty sure this would elicit a similar response.
Hey - ya can't save em all!
on silent struggle by princesszoe
6 Oct 2003, 7:30 PM
I like the image - of slicing part of oneself to give to another. That is really conveyed entirely in the second stanza; I struggle to find meaning in the first.
Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used.
I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.
Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used.
I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.
on castle of pandas by FreeFormFixation
6 Oct 2003, 7:58 AM
Maybe the republican guard should shoot them all in their black-encircled eyes?
Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?
Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?
on such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602
6 Oct 2003, 7:53 AM
A contemplation on suicide with a nice twist to it. This touching the lips of a lover must be a universal thing; such a nice image.
And I think the refrain works really well.
And I think the refrain works really well.
this bit in particular:
"Left me scraping our palette of lost love" gave me a little grimace.
Dont' get me wrong though, I do really like the idea of the empty easel as it relates to a missing person, then the memory of him/her as the painting; that's really cool.
Just thinking the palete related stuff feels awkward - complicates the composition of the poem ... (keep it to three things, one that contrasts with the other two, right?)