Re: To Paint Acceptance by versus_u	9-Oct-03/6:28 AM
Despite the previous vote of ten, I really wasn't convinced until the last line - and really, if it was a poem of just that one line, I would be just as satisfied. this bit in particular: "Left me scraping our palette of lost love" gave me a little grimace. Dont' get me wrong though, I do really like the idea of the empty easel as it relates to a missing person, then the memory of him/her as the painting; that's really cool. Just thinking the palete related stuff feels awkward - complicates the composition of the poem ... (keep it to three things, one that contrasts with the other two, right?)
Re: SupremeDreamer by King Abdullah I	8-Oct-03/8:41 AM
well, it rhymes, so ...
Re: RHYMEZONE.COM by King Abdullah II	8-Oct-03/8:39 AM
Dat's berry chute. You can only post three poems a week here and you post this. Holy Christ. I mean, you stole half the thing from rhymezone.com - prolly got the other half from dictionary.com. At least come up with 3 more stanzas and make it a real poem.
Re: Unrequited by DevilTmptrss	7-Oct-03/6:43 PM
I has a very sweet cadence, one that rings true; a lovely flow. There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture. It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
Re: The Wrath of Dan Ackroyd by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	7-Oct-03/1:53 PM
Hey - what kind of sonnet is this? You is funnin' me, right?? Is this why you are called "mysterious"? Teach me something.
Re: Shoe Hole by Bobjim	7-Oct-03/1:27 PM
Kew Gardens, New York? I'm stuck by "Phillips stick-sole" - is that a type of rubber sole, like Vibram? As an aside, I was watching "Enterprise", and as the aliens climbed the ladder I could see the bottoms of their boots and that orange oval "Vibrams"; oops. Only a couple of the rhymes seemed forced (first felt it with "shutters", "boggies" a bit too). I bet you could firm up the last quatrain. At any rate, it is a very fun one. How on earth did you come up with it? I mean, "shoe hole" isn't exactly a common idea.
Re: Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote	7-Oct-03/12:00 PM
It's a Vilanelle alright - Poe would like it; i likes it. Go for the Sestina. Do it. Do it now before all the ideas get used up!!
Re: Primal Reality by peaceseeker	7-Oct-03/10:11 AM
I read the whole thing and as I neared the end I began to panic, because I could feel my time to make some sense of it all running out. It does however, have some engaging language in the flashback about the garden - that's a nice snapshot.
Re: Why You All Suck by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	7-Oct-03/8:37 AM
excuse me, but it should be "...[aint] got [no] arms." It's actually a good start to something (I can think of many more reasons why you/we all suck). And, well, it kinda rhymes - so it must be good.
Re: Orchidess by abecedarian	6-Oct-03/7:39 PM
Well, that was interesting - what is this show rated!! I don't think I've ever read an orchid sex poem like it. Wait, I've never read an orchid sex poem. what is "Watch we" - I posted a poem earlier about nanotech, and thought I might have focused on a relatively small group of folks who would "get it" - I'm pretty sure this would elicit a similar response. Hey - ya can't save em all!
Re: silent struggle by princesszoe	6-Oct-03/7:30 PM
I like the image - of slicing part of oneself to give to another. That is really conveyed entirely in the second stanza; I struggle to find meaning in the first. Dampen deep? Damp and deep? maybe just an interesting coinage - maybe some change? words dripping like tears is - used. I think the first stanza was just a warm up exercise for the second (this is not uncommon) - let it evaporate like sweat, and keep the second as a base for something very nice.
Re: castle of pandas by FreeFormFixation	6-Oct-03/7:58 AM
Maybe the republican guard should shoot them all in their black-encircled eyes? Is crazy. This is crazy freeform flow/klang association. Well, at least it rhymes part way; all good poems rhyme, right?
Re: such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602	6-Oct-03/7:53 AM
A contemplation on suicide with a nice twist to it. This touching the lips of a lover must be a universal thing; such a nice image. And I think the refrain works really well.