| Re: An Ode To Dark Angel, Private Investigator by tolstoyleo |
1-Jul-04/7:03 PM |
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Unfitting a "man" of his stature.
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| Re: Lady Bradburyâs Excursion by Dovina |
1-Jul-04/6:58 PM |
Dovina - this is somewhat strange.
it really is.
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| Re: Recycled Stardust by Quarton |
1-Jul-04/6:54 PM |
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With the vocabulary and the big telling that comes from the big words this quickly becomes a tough sell.
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| Re: Helo everybody is limerck time!! by DR Limerick |
1-Jul-04/6:52 PM |
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heheh - not bad. Dual question marks are good there.
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| Re: finally i say goodbye by francis nor capule |
1-Jul-04/6:51 PM |
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The repetition helps this, I think - but the theme is so often done that reader sympathy is difficult.
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| Re: a comment on The Death of Love by donmiguel1960 |
30-Jun-04/5:02 AM |
feels more like I'm being boarded by the parrot...
Here - have a cracker, cracker.
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| Re: a comment on The Death of Love by donmiguel1960 |
28-Jun-04/5:55 PM |
I don't know Zodiac, how?
You and your riddles.
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| Re: Black streets of Hackney by cpill |
28-Jun-04/5:54 PM |
Well, a sonnet.
But the identical rhyme , and wait - well, no rhyme scheme either. Hmm.
The language sounds like you are faking things English, strangely enough.
It is almost good, but somehow it smells crippled - mayhaps on purpose.
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| Re: Commandment One by TLRufener |
28-Jun-04/5:28 PM |
Sheepheard is, wrong.
The premise of writing to something one doesn't believe in gives me pause.
Though I did like that "Dear God" song a while back.
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| Re: The Death of Love by donmiguel1960 |
28-Jun-04/5:25 PM |
really aught to reword that "whom" line, even if it is correct it is awkward in this context, imho.
Not crazy about breathing devoid, either - sorry.
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| Re: a comment on Tough by Dovina |
28-Jun-04/12:14 PM |
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Heheheh - won't ever be Zara Zam. This is one of my old, oft used gaming names.
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| Re: Tough by Dovina |
28-Jun-04/7:47 AM |
"still not shaving, unwhiskered" a wonderful, telling line.
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| Re: a comment on upon driving through rural Washington by david |
27-Jun-04/3:33 PM |
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Once again you mistake a comment for a poem.
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| Re: a comment on Origins by Doug |
27-Jun-04/3:32 PM |
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brilliant -- very helpful, thank you.
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| Re: Ayudame (Help Me) by | Broken | |
27-Jun-04/4:50 AM |
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the use of Ayudame is the best part of this; elevates it.
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| Re: SIMPLE by shazpen |
26-Jun-04/7:20 PM |
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quite nice - I would have made a few different line break choices, but really - a small thing.
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| Re: a comment on Someday Soon by Drunk Russian Poet |
26-Jun-04/5:09 PM |
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I have to admit I thought the same thing.
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| Re: Interrogation #1086637 by MacFrantic |
26-Jun-04/3:40 PM |
2 spelling errors take away from it: consciouseness, akward.
fine otherwise.
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| Re: Origins by Doug |
26-Jun-04/3:37 PM |
no spaces bordering the dash - and I like that line alot.
Is this the same as before? Or a similar technique?
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| Re: upon driving through rural Washington by david |
26-Jun-04/3:35 PM |
"distant whelm" is very nice.
quite a few nice bits in here as I read it again. I hope I don't seem to ignore those when I say much of it is smothered by one, two and three letter crap words.
Try a version without them for your own viewing, tell me if you don't like it.
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