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upon driving through rural Washington (Free verse) by david
As I drive through farm country, a damp reek brewing by the roadway hits me. Manure, cut grass, honeysuckle, spearmint. The air feels light as rusk. I want to lie down in the newly turned earth: this heavy figure amid the wheat-chaff and the chicory, while sunlight creeps up a mountainside off in the distant whelm of colour. Each cemetery, flanked by poplars, looks ready to play as a chess set. A dozen washloads blow on the line, sock lanterns ablaze, towles bellied like a schooner's spinnaker. In a dogwood's petalled salon, bees leave their pollen footprints as calling cards. The occasional samba of a dragonfly tightens the puffy-lidded dusk. Clouds being to curdle overhead. And I want to lie down with you here again in this boggy dirt, our legs rubbing like locusts'. I want you here with the scallions, sweet in the night air, to lie down with you one more time, heavy in my arms, and take root.

Up the ladder: Let your heart roam free

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.285714
Weighted score: 5.614723
Overall Rank: 2239
Posted: June 25, 2004 12:30 PM PDT; Last modified: June 25, 2004 12:30 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 | 26-Jun-04/11:38 AM | Reply
The sentence construction [As I do something in the present tense, something happens in present tense] should be bound and gagged in a basement somewhere and beaten into a coma by a band of masked salami-wielding EastEnder hoodlums.
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 | 26-Jun-04/3:35 PM | Reply
"distant whelm" is very nice.

quite a few nice bits in here as I read it again. I hope I don't seem to ignore those when I say much of it is smothered by one, two and three letter crap words.

Try a version without them for your own viewing, tell me if you don't like it.

[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > Shuushin | 26-Jun-04/9:52 PM | Reply
"distant whelm" very nice.

quite nice bits here read again. hope don't seem ignore those when much smothered three letter crap words.

version without them your viewing, tell don't like.
[8] Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177 > zodiac | 27-Jun-04/3:33 PM | Reply
Once again you mistake a comment for a poem.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > Shuushin | 27-Jun-04/6:55 PM | Reply
I never mistake anything on this site for a poem.
[n/a] david @ 24.85.155.58 > zodiac | 8-Jul-05/8:54 PM | Reply
Zing!
179 view(s)




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