Re: 7 Days of Suicide by dragonfly	7-Nov-03/9:15 PM
Awwwwww - we find a Bjork fan in our midst. Did you throw car parts and cutlery off the peak too? I'm just giving a gentle ribbing (for your pleasure); you've given this some fresh angles.
Re: Memory by SILYLILGURL	7-Nov-03/9:23 PM
This could be remade stronger, probably by halving the size - it's a universal emotion, to be sure; I think its worth keeping.
Re: The Birth of an Incubus (Born a child of scorn) by SupremeDreamer	8-Nov-03/5:29 AM
Hey, not bad! - that last line though felt one beat too heavy; a slight nit. "children of scorn" was cute - made me think of children of the corn (natch). Stylistically the yoderian reversal of "liquored were", and "fuddled were" works out since it's consistent in two stanzas - that I can handle. Sometimes it's overdone (no probs here).
Re: Hurt never dies by hobojo	8-Nov-03/6:09 AM
I kept trying to figure if you have a bible reference in here (since you have synoptic) - but I gave up, sorry. Do you? Searching for meaning (I've put in as much as can be expected).
Re: Awefucked by a Shushin Shitzu (freefuck) by <{Baba^Yaga}>	8-Nov-03/9:10 PM
With the exception of all the fucks, and fuckings, and maybe's (the boy never can commit, can he) - this thing is really brilliant.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Nov-03/6:11 AM
It rhymes; it must be good.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Nov-03/9:03 AM
I get the poem. I like the poem. I can see how the poem might easily be misunderstood. Try a ciquain, it will give you a few more lines to work with and still retain your universal truth/hauiku-like feel.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Nov-03/9:39 AM
I very much like the sentiment - hits home too; been on both sides of this one.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Nov-03/10:37 AM
my office is frickin' freezing today, so good timing. Okay, you are new to the game; so I'm going to give you big kudos for playing (and welcome), and a couple general things. administrative - keep the title out of the body of the poem, and you don't need to sign your name (if someone wants to steal, they are gonna do it anyway, besides - you won't get famous by your poemranker performances, though some will be stunned mute by this revelation). Thankfully, you didn't write 'copyright'... Poem-wise: I think you would benefit from one piece of advice in particular. --> Show, Don't Tell. For example, you've got a useable image here in the animals on a frozen body of water. show me what kinds of animals, what kinds of trees; describe them. Give me a specific, or a least a singular lake, what does the sun look like? (a famous phrase calls the late winter sun "a battered panache above snow" - see, that's *showing*). See, if you *tell* me that winter follows summer - I'm not gonna be too surprised (I'm also going to wonder what happened to fall), but if you *show* me something transitional or iconic - then I'm at least going to enjoy the scenery.
Re: Mother Murder by horus8	10-Nov-03/10:40 AM
I can't get past the fact that it's blatant rip-off of "on top of old smokey". Poor meatball.
Re: Octubre 1992 by The Eskimo King	10-Nov-03/10:51 AM
I won't hazard a vote, but even without the benefit of knowing the language enough to get a proper impression, there are few thoughts I like (or at least what I think they are, I like). the idea of doubt creating damage in this way feels like something I want to know more about. saying the full moon is romantic, is a bit 'done', though - regardless of the language, especially since this piece is rich in descriptors. Flat translation: Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things.
Re: Octubre 1992 by The Eskimo King	10-Nov-03/11:03 AM
And by the way, your pies: ARE AWESOME!!
Re: paint me a poem with pictures by nentwined	10-Nov-03/2:33 PM
WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP!! (actually, I only said that to give you a sense of balance - it has a light feeling to it, and a very nice cadence, that wins over any feelings of 'easy' rhyme). Maybe could do with replacing the word "rhyme" - but, really it's fine as is.
Re: Sunset by NoSage	12-Nov-03/7:18 AM
Nice snippet - makes me want more. An excellent chorus - Where is more?
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/7:20 AM
Sure - works well as a lyric. Would be fun set to music.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/7:23 AM
Last line, goddammit - fix the last line. As for the rest - flows really well, rhyme is unforced - I like.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/7:30 AM
I read your explanation, and it makes more sense to me now. Some nice parts in particular "flame-touched air" - though touched is fairly generic. "fire[']s halo" is also a nice image. I'm not sure about high winter as a comparison (fairly location and temperament dependent), then I'm confused by the "peak of the season" at the end. I'm sure you could explain it to me - but that's not the point is it? Show me what you mean in the poem.
Re: Justice Reborn by heartlessempath	12-Nov-03/7:41 AM
A nice bit of prose here and well said. Some of the line breaks seem not to help though, and serve mostly to remind that this really is a collection of paragraphs within a larger story - with a rushed ending.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Nov-03/7:43 AM
Very original idea. melikey.
Re: Call Vegas!!! by INTRANSIT	12-Nov-03/8:02 AM
Interesting observation - rings true. Have a Ten.